Assassinating Donald Trump

By Marc Dion

December 14, 2015 4 min read

You know the old question.

It's 1930. You're in Germany, standing behind Adolf Hitler in a dark alley. No one else. Just you two. You have a pistol in your hand. No one will ever know what you did.

Do you shoot him?

If you shoot him, you'll save millions of lives, but you'll be a murderer.

It's 2015. You're standing behind Donald Trump in a dark alley.


I used to congratulate myself on living in a tolerant country because, though he is the first African-American president and a liberal, no one has ever seriously tried to assassinate Barack Obama.

I was born in 1957. When I was young, we shot political figures we didn't like. Oh, yeah. A couple of Kennedys, Martin Luther King Jr., George Wallace. It was a less "politically correct" country in those days.

Now, when you can get a white man off the couch and fully enraged, the wsack job shoots up an abortion clinic. Gotta protect America from those terrified, pregnant teens.

You've got a lotta people in this country who are heavily gunned, and if you talk to 'em, they're just waiting. They're waiting to gun down a Shia-loving Muslim. They're waiting to blast away at federal agents when they "come for my guns." They're waiting for the revolution.

They're great at waiting, these guys.

Rich people broke nearly every union in the country, destroying most of the working and middle class. The guys with the guns didn't do ANYTHING.

The jobs got shipped overseas and the guys who own 67 rifles stayed home. The company took away your pension and made you work forced overtime. Did that make you grab your Glock? Hell, no! You're waiting for some guy named Abdul to come to your house and make your wife wear a veil. Then, you'll shoot ... if you can still afford bullets.

What does it take to get you potbelly patriots out the door? Why are CEOs hardly ever shot by people whose lives they've crippled?

I do NOT favor the murder of very corporate greed head who ever looted a company, shipped work overseas or helped blow up the housing bubble, but I don't have a cellar full of guns, and I don't wear camouflage pants to the grocery store. I am, however, surrounded by "Don't Tread On Me" patriots who can't be counted on to respond violently to any insult or outright robbery committed by any American who owns a suit.

These guys are going to "take back America?" Hell, these guys couldn't even keep Steve Jobs from shipping America to China, where $40-a-month semi-enslaved workers made nearly everything he sold.

I'm not a tough guy, though my urban neighborhood is much scarier than the suburbs where you'll find many of America's ready-for-the-revolution patriots. In my neighborhood, you hurt somebody if you say you're going to hurt somebody. Of course, we buy our guns from each other, with no pretense of legality because we KNOW we might have to use the thing sooner or later. None of us have ever been to a shooting range, either. Who's got that kind of money?

The country is full of freelance "soldiers" who can't wait to protect me from Muslims. I'm learning to say "Allah Akbar" like I really mean it.

To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit

Photo credit: Dean Hochman

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