Why We Will Blast the Hell Out of Syria: A Parable As Newspaper Story

By Marc Dion

September 9, 2013 4 min read

They didn't bomb the center of Detroit. No, the first missiles streaked the sky over the suburbs, blowing $375,000 houses to hell, knocking out power to thousands of homes, crumbling bridges, heaving roads up in buckled humps. One Canadian missile hit a grade school, killing 85 grade school children.

The Canadian parliament had argued for days about whether a strike at the mostly white suburbs of Detroit would convince Americans to reinvest in mostly African-American Detroit.

"It's a warning," the Canadian prime minster said. "Canadians won't sit idly by while the American government lets Detroit die."

Hours before, long-range Canadian missiles pounded Chicago, where a shaky government had proven itself unable to control street fighting between rival gang factions. A poll showed many Canadians didn't know the difference between a Crip and a Blood but the same poll showed massive Canadian support for any intervention that would stop the senseless bloodshed in Chicago.

While the American government remained deadlocked over religious issues such as abortion and the exact wording of the Pledge of Allegiance, Canadian officials said attacks would continue until stability was restored.

"We will not stand by while our neighbor to the south dissolves in a welter of bloody religious and ideological conflict," said a spokesman for the Canadian government.

For most Americans, Canadian strikes against American cities seemed like a replay of 1992 when the Mexican army moved into Los Angeles to quell riots after police officers were acquitted in the beating of American Rodney King.

For others, it was a reminder of 2005, when French soldiers landed in New Orleans to restore order after Hurricane Katrina. French troops remain in Louisiana eight years later but the French government says it will not "draw down" its military force until it can guarantee fair elections in that state.

Louisiana gun owners had sworn to defend their constitutional rights to the death but so far have restricted themselves to attacks on neighboring states where Darwinism is taught in the schools.

"The situation in Louisiana is far too fragmented and unstable for us to leave, French government sources said. "If France were to pull out suddenly, the result might be a destabilization of fledgling democratic governments throughout the southern tier of the United States, many of them in major oil-producing areas."

At the United Nations Wednesday, Japan demanded an end to sex trafficking and worker exploitation in the United States and pledged humanitarian aid to the troubled cities of Flint, Mich., Gary, Ind. and Cleveland, Ohio.

"We believe the situation in the Midwest cannot be stabilized without economic aid," a Japanese government spokesman said. "These people can eventually become self-sufficient, but they need help."

On Thursday, the Mexican government said it would move to seal its northern border if Americans continued to produce guns which, when smuggled into Mexico by United States law enforcement, produced Chicago-like conditions in Mexican border towns.

"We have to strike at the source," the Mexican government said Thursday. "Not just the little dealers in our country but the gun lords north of the border."

To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

Like it? Share it!

  • 0

Marc Dion
About Marc Dion
Read More | Subscribe

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE...


UP NEXT:

Are You Dying for McDonald's?

Are You Dying for McDonald's?

By Marc Dion
I try to bring a lunch to work every day, I really do. A turkey sandwich, yogurt, an apple juice, couple cookies. Sometimes, though, I get disorganized and end up going to a fast-food place. Keep reading