Trump Sings the Rainbow

By Marc Dion

July 31, 2017 4 min read

"Red and yellow and pink and green/ Purple and orange and blue/ I can sing a rainbow, sing a rainbow..."

Remember that song from your sweet little childhood days?

Me, too.

Now, let's sing the "alt-right" rainbow:

"White and straight and white and white/ White and Christian and white/ I can sing a rainbow, sing a rainbow..."

Faced with allegations that the Vodka Crowd influenced his election-ski, Donald J. Trump, American leader and international punchline, remembered his supporters and their deep devotion to Hillbilly Jesus.

And so, he took a swing at transgender people in the armed services, knowing it would be a knockout punch down at the megachurch.

Drawing on his own military experience (he picked up a Marine's hat one time), he moved to cut off (poor choice of words), the funding for American soldiers who want to have their bayonets surgically removed, if you get my drift.

They're layin' 'em off over at Carrier, and Ford is moving production to Mexico, and downtown Steubenville, Ohio, looks like a mass grave for dreams but, by God, we will not allow transgender people to serve in the military!

We will allow poverty. We will allow joblessness. We will allow toothlessness. We will allow grandma to go without her heart medicine, but we will not allow this vile infiltration of our armed forces by transgenders.

Hang on to your guns and your Bibles, America, because that's all the Republicans are gonna let you keep! Glory! Glory! I see Jesus!

You kid's over there in East Carbombistan, at some risk of getting his family facilitator blown off by a homemade land mine, but at least the soldier fighting by his side has no plans to get himself de-man-ized on purpose.

Your boy may indeed be horribly mangled, but don't worry about it. When he gets home, there's gonna be PLENTY of OxyContin, much of it sold by his cousins, who might have been able to get legit jobs if the furniture factory hadn't closed.

You know the real reason why hundreds of thousands of American soldier boys want to become women?

It's because of Hillary Clinton. She got inside their heads with her feminism, and her abortion rights, and her equal pay for equal work, and she made it sound so easy to be female.

Women get most of the welfare, right? If some clever romantic slides out on the kids he fathered, it's like the jackpot for women. They get EBT and WIC and free computer science classes up at the junior college so they can be medical transcriptionists.

What kind of man wants to be a medial transcriptionist?

I'll tell you what kind of man wants to be a medical transcriptionist — a man who has just had himself girl-ized.

And, as a woman, if you screw up at your job, all you have to do is holler "sexual harassment" and they make you CEO of the whole dang company! It happens all the time.

But Trump, because he's a successful businessman, closed that loophole by keeping hundreds of thousand of American boys from getting a loophole of their own, if you know what I mean.

Of course, if the bone spurs deferment hadn't worked out, Trump would have worn a dress down to the draft board and sung a medley of Judy Garland's greatest hits.

But that's a story for another Reich.

To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit Dion's latest book, "Land of Trumpin," a collection of his columns from the last election, is available in paperback from, and for Nook, Kindle, iBooks and GooglePlay.

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