The Long Weekend

By Marc Dion

June 6, 2016 4 min read

You don't hear much about it anymore, but I keep thinking about Donald Trump's wall on the border with Mexico. I guess that's still something we might do here in the land of the free.

If you think we've got Mexicans in the country illegally NOW, just wait until 10,000 wall-building jobs show up on the Mexican border. You're not gonna be able to keep Carlos and the boys from swimming the river, not if there are construction jobs on the other side. And, once they run out of American laborers who can pass the drug test, contractors are going to start hiring (and underpaying) our docile little Mexican brothers.

I spent much of the recent Memorial Day weekend notebook deep in a reporter's celebration. That means I made overtime for covering three memorial services and a parade. I saw white doves released on three different occasions.

The memorials get bigger and the ceremonies get longer the more wars America fails to win, yet doesn't exactly lose. In addition, every ceremony does some heavy harkening back to World War II, the last war we won outright. If America fights four more draws, I predict Memorial Day will last until Christmas.

Once we get the wall built, we can't just walk away from it and expect the dang thing to keep the Mexicans out. They'll show up at night with ladders. They'll lasso the towers and pull themselves over. They'll get tangled in the barbed wire on top, but sooner or later, they'll be working in a Chicago car wash.

You're going to need guards on the wall, and not the Border Patrol, either. There are not enough Border Patrol agents to stand shoulder-to-shoulder on top of the wall, three shifts a day, seven days a week. Anyway, they make too much money. It'd cost us a fortune to keep the wall manned.

You're going to need an army for that, and we've got an army. We've got an Army Reserve, too. We've got a National Guard. They've all been to Iraq and Afghanistan, too, so they're used to the kind of desert conditions you find down on the border.

And it's not like the soldiers can stand on the wall with bullhorns and shout at the Mexicans, "Hey, we've got an army up here. You better go home!"

When they had a wall to keep people from escaping East Germany, the soldiers on top would shoot you dead if you so much as touched the wall. It's the only thing that works. So, someday, if we build the wall, your son or daughter who joins the Army will be rotated to the border with his her unit and told to do wall duty.

And he or she will sit, with a rifle, and shoot the Mexicans who make a run at the wall. Men. Women. Children. Young girls with babies in their arms.

Because that's how you do it. That's how you make a wall work.

To find out more about Marc Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit Dion's latest book, "King of the World on $14 an Hour," is a collection of his best 2014 columns and is available for Nook and Kindle.

Photo credit: Dhinal Chheda

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