In Praise of Pedophiles

By Marc Dion

February 19, 2018 4 min read

In the first place, anti-pedophile laws don't work.

Pedophiles want to have sexual contact with children, and no law makes them stop. Arrest them, jail them, makes no difference. They get out of jail eventually and, when they do, they usually go looking for a kid.

We make them register, but registering pedophiles doesn't work. They molest children anyway. We make them stay away from schools, but they molest children anyway.

Should we make more laws against pedophilia?

Why? The laws we have now don't work. Laws are useless. Criminals don't obey the law. That's what makes them criminals.

We've gone so far as to go into people's homes and seize their child pornography.

Come on, that's Communist dictatorship stuff, right there.

I mean, the guy who has child pornography may not have even taken the pictures himself. Anyway, what if it's not pictures; what if the guy just has drawings of grown men having sex with kids? They're not even real pictures.

The guy who has drawings of adults having sex with kids isn't doing anything. And even if he does have real pictures, how old are the kids in the pictures now? Hell, they're probably 18, because pictures like that usually float around for years.

The people in the pictures may not even live near you. They may not even live in America. Does the government think you're going to find out where those kids live in Thailand, and then you're going to fly there and molest those kids?

What if you have child pornography in your house and never, ever, ever touch a real child? Doesn't that make you a law-abiding pedophile? You're not a danger to anyone. You're a hobbyist. You're a collector.

You get caught with those kind of pictures, they put you in jail, sometimes for quite a while, but black people who game the welfare system don't go to jail. They get probation because black people get all the breaks. Let's talk about that instead.

I read a newspaper story the other day abut a guy who kidnapped a six year-old girl, duct-taped her hands and feet together, duct-taped her mouth shut, then put her in the trunk of his car, drove her to a secluded place ad raped her repeatedly.

So, why don't we just make duct tape illegal? Or cars? Maybe we should make a law saying you can't drive to a secluded place.

What about the Founding Fathers? Back when they were fighting to make America free, it was normal for 50-year-old guys to marry 14-year-old girls. And if you had sex with a 10-year-old slave girl, nobody said anything. That was America when our forefathers made us free.

It's a slippery slope. First, the government tells you that it's wrong to have sex with children. Then, they tell you it's wrong to look at pictures of people you don't know having sex with children you don't know who are probably over 18 by the time you see the picture. Before you know it, you'll sit your adorable granddaughter on your knee and federal agents will break down your door and take you off to prison, destroying your family.

And that, my friends, is the argument against gun control.

To find out more about Marc Monroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit Dion's latest book, "The Land of Trumpin," is a collection of his Pulitzer Prize-nominated columns from before, during and after the most recent presidential election. It is available in paperback from, and for Nook, Kindle, iBooks and GooglePlay.

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