Living in Soapville means never having to pay a restaurant tab, never having to take care of your own kids. Knowing that no matter how grave your illness you will survive. Never trusting an initial DNA result. Most of all it means you never have to die. In fact, you can come back to life even after you have been through an autopsy.

One of the best back-from-the-dead story lines came on "General Hospital." We are not talking about the recent return of Frank Smith and little Jake, which happened last week. It goes back to the days of Steve Hardy. He had a n'er-do-well brother named Tom. Tom died during a bout of pneumonia.

Ten years later he came back to town saying he had been living in Mexico. Steve claimed that it could not be so, saying, "You're dead. We did an autopsy."

Tom retorted, "I faked my way through the autopsy." Case closed.

"General Hospital" does not hold the record of bringing characters back from the great beyond, however. The award goes to "Days of our Lives."

Celebrating its 50th year, "Days" is in for big changes. A new head writing team has started, lots of former Salem citizens are paying visits and the cast is being cut.

There has been lots of secrecy about who is going to die. Word is out that Paige, Clyde and Aiden are set to say their final goodbyes. In a recent interview with Soap Digest, executive producer Ken Corday promised "anyone who dies after September is staying dead."

In years past, almost every major character was not really, sincerely dead.

Stefano tops the list. In fact, he has come back from the dead so often, his nickname is "The Phoenix." In mythology, it is a bird that keeps dying and coming back from the ashes.

Stefano even wears a ring with a Phoenix insignia.

A decade ago, fans were horrified when almost a dozen longtime favorites were said to be dead. Even the actors thought their soap gigs were over. The story was written by James Reilly, who went on to be head writer for "Passions."

For those of you who had not heard of those deaths, make certain you are not drinking coffee or you will do a spit take. Among those to have been murdered by a crazed Marlena: Roman, Caroline, Abe, Jack, Tony and Alice. Tony was mauled to death by a tiger. Alice met death by a donut. Maggie was also a goner. Guess what? No one died. They were all alive on Melaswen Island — "new Salem" spelled backward.

Marlena is not believable as a homicidal maniac, but what actually happened is even less believable. Marlena was given a mind-controlling drug. The not-so-dead had been drugged, switched with doppelgangers and taken to a tropical replica of their home.

With a slew of September deaths at "Days," and Corday saying the dead will stay dead this time, the cries of "why did they kill him? He was one of my favorites" will not merely be more cases of being played.

To find out more about Lynda Hirsch and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate web page at www.creators.com.