The season of the minor league ballgame is in full swing, and so are the minor league promotions. Here are some of the less popular ones.

— Strained Groin Day

— Usher Autograph Night

— Free Pretzel in Every Beer: Save money! Save digestion time!

— LIVE Bat Night: Wear a scarf!

— Extra Marjoram Madness: Marjoram sprinkled on any concession — gratis!

— Poppin' Fresh Lookalike Contest: Winner gets a whole lot of dough! Literally.

— Adult Children of Jerks Day: Come in and cry. Our game will help!

— Signed Balls: Fellas! Get inked by the night's MVP!

— Got the ultrasound to prove it? You're in for free on: Pregnant with Twins Night!

— Safer than fireworks! Duracell and the National Fire Safety Council proudly present this evening's: Post-Game Flashlight Follies!

— Cheek-Piercing Night: Ouch!

— Toilet Seat Toss: Actually, this one is real. Sorry.

— Show Us Your Rash: You could win a free ticket!

— There's Your Mascot!: Win the chance to have our mascot sit in front of you the whole game.

— Health Is a Major League Issue: Turkey dogs served on seven-grain rolls with lip-smacking, thirst-quenching liquid kale.

— The North American Hooligan Society invites you to: Defenseless Little Old Ladies Night!

— Napkin Ring-Palooza!

— Go Blue!: It's all-you-can-eat blue cheese night!

— Hermit Gift Basket: Razor, matches, and tin pot included.

— "J'adore Zee Baseball" Soiree: Berets and creme brulee for the first 100 attendees who can sing an entire Edith Piaf song.

— Minor League Bobbleheads: Who can forget "Slow and Steady" Stan Osofsky? Or Carl "I'm Getting There" Brown? Or away-game crowd favorite Mo "Oops!" Mallard? Your mantlepiece will groan with near-greatness!

— Free Cropped T-Shirts: Show off that dad bod!

— Foam Toe Freebies: Give those foam fingers the toe! We're (Toe) No. 1!

— Hairy, Scary Fun: Got a tarantula at home? Bring it in, set it loose and get a free ticket!

— Kombucha Kraziness: Free ice-cold kombucha when you buy a squishy tomato or cup of warm mush.

— Show Us Your Papers Night: kidding! (Not kidding.)

Lenore Skenazy is president of Let Grow, a contributing writer at Reason.com, and author of "Has the World Gone Skenazy?" To learn more about Lenore Skenazy ([email protected]) and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate webpage at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Mick Haupt at Unsplash