See ya, 2015. Peace.

My family was blessed to not have anything devastating occur in 2015, but it was certainly a year with challenges. My difficult pregnancy was greeted with frightening sicknesses and injuries suffered by those closest to me. As we await further test results in the new year, my heart and blood pressure need a break from the stress.

So! Dearest Father Time and Baby New Year, I'm going to help you both out. I understand that life is a balancing act and every year must have its challenges, and I certainly am not immune. Here is a list of bad news I could tolerate receiving in 2016:

—George R.R. Martin decides he's just not interested in finishing writing the book series behind "Game of Thrones." He gives up and begins writing fan fiction for Thomas the Tank Engine.

—Sour gummy worms lose their sour.

—"Cool Pope," aka Pope Francis, admits he was actually the person who shot Cecil the lion. The dentist was just a decoy.

—S.C. Johnson, makers of the Pledge brand of cleaning supplies, finds a loophole and buys the rights to the Pledge of Allegiance. The company makes money every time a child recites the pledge in school. On the plus side, coins now smell lemony fresh.

—It turns out that those in the alien species that Jar Jar Binks is part of are immortal, and it's announced that Jar Jar will return as the lead role in the eighth and ninth episodes of "Star Wars."

—The Dos Equis Most Interesting Man in the World enters rehab for alcoholism. Sadly, it turns out he is less likely to battle sharks just to see whether they cry firsthand when he's sober.

—The Leaning Tower of Pisa falls over.

—House cats are permitted to vote in the 2016 presidential election. Cats being the evil creatures they are, they either vote for the candidate they think is least qualified or use the ballot boxes as litter boxes.

—Alex Trebek goes hipster. He begins wearing skinny jeans, tells everyone he was into double jeopardy before the Fifth Amendment made it cool and grows back his mustache just to be ironic.

—Move over, Rainbow Loom and Shopkins. The newest kid obsession is ... taxidermy!

—Aaron Sorkin suffers a stroke. He completely recovers, with the exception that now he is only able to write characters who speak at a normal human pace.

—Because of climate change, the Great Pumpkin Shortage makes it so only the top 1 percent can afford now-exclusive jack-o'-lanterns for Halloween.

—The president does not pardon a turkey for Thanksgiving. Instead, he airs a live hunt "Hunger Games"-style.

—Public schools allow midterm papers to be written completely in emoticons. :(

—Tom Brady admits to deflating the Goodyear Blimp. After it plummets to the field in a fiery blaze, no aerial shots of sports games are permitted ever again.

—The USA places fourth in every single sport we compete in during the 2016 Summer Olympics.

—Shark Week replaces all of its cool and informational programming with a "Sharktopus Meets Sharknado" marathon. (OK, maybe this doesn't actually qualify as bad news.)

—Fourth of July fireworks are replaced with glitter bombs. Glitter bombs are replaced with sand.

—Willie Nelson cuts his hair. Doesn't even donate the famous pigtails to Locks of Love.

—All radio stations begin exclusively playing EDM.

—Canada decides Ryan Gosling is too precious a commodity to lose and never allows him to leave Canadian borders again. On the flip side, Canada pays the United States to permanently take over Justin Bieber's citizenship.

—E.T. returns to Earth but can't phone home because no kid has a Speak & Spell anymore. The home invasion from those astronaut-like scientists doesn't end so pleasantly this time.

—Bono changes his name to the Artist Formerly Known as Bono.

—The hottest fashion trend is a bastardization of the kilt. Now conveniently made as "skorts," they come in bright neon colors for him and her.

—Chocolate mousse is replaced globally with chocolate moose.

—Everyone is required by federal law to friend or follow their bosses, parents, grandparents and that creepy neighbor down the street on all social media.

And last, the worst news of all...

—Cheese becomes outlawed.

If all the above were to come to fruition, it would be a tough year, but I think I could handle it. Be kind, 2016. Thanks in advance.

Like Katiedid Langrock on Facebook, at http://www.facebook.com/katiedidhumor. To find out more about Katiedid Langrock and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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