Katiedid Langrock from Creators Syndicate https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid Creators Syndicate is an international syndication company that represents cartoonists and columnists of the highest caliber. en Thu, 18 Apr 2019 19:30:40 -0700 https://www.creators.com/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Katiedid Langrock from Creators Syndicate https://cdn.creators.com/features/katiedid-langrock-thumb.jpg https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid f5febece02e5bfabb0e792abf964f711 Bison Babies for 04/13/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/04/19/bison-babies Sat, 13 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>"Lucas wants to marry Ellie," one mom said.</p> <p>"Colton talks about marrying Sophie. Or Jade. Sometimes Ellie," said the other mom. They chuckled and then looked at me.<p>Updated: Sat Apr 13, 2019</p> ef848f9e76ff5465cfd0749f460ed9b6 Summoning Bears for 04/06/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/04/19/summoning-bears Sat, 06 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>Bears are showing up all around my neighborhood.</p> <p>Not real bears &#8212; not yet. These are bears that have been carved out of dead and dying trees by amazing local artists &#8212; huge tributes to nature that look as if they belong outside lodges of yesteryear. Some residents don't like the bear decor; some say it will summon the bears back into the forests where we live. A frightening prospect. Not the bears but the premise that decor attracts the real-life focus of its design.<p>Updated: Sat Apr 06, 2019</p> 912450aa2d4969bc320ae19356411c39 Bang Bang Shrimp for 03/30/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/03/19/bang-bang-shrimp Sat, 30 Mar 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>We were on our second helpings at the Chinese buffet (my dad was technically on his second helping but six plates in), when the lights flickered out. There were a few sharp screams and then silence. The crowded restaurant was waiting, bated breath.</p> <p>The lights came back on. My family members all made eye contact with one another &#8212; except for my dad, who had a bowl tilted in front of his entire face as he slurped down hot-and-sour soup. I'm not sure whether he realized the lights went out or he thought it was just a shadow from his monstrous bowl. There was a moment before we began talking again. My kindergartener emerged from under the table.<p>Updated: Sat Mar 30, 2019</p> 959a6c8115e374d89ef6ff9c12bfcd21 A Smell a Week in the Making for 03/23/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/03/19/a-smell-a-week-in-the-making Sat, 23 Mar 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>"Dear Lord, did someone die in here?"</p> <p>We rolled down the windows. We blasted the air conditioning. I considered driving the car through the car wash with the sunroof open.<p>Updated: Sat Mar 23, 2019</p> 5aef1f2bbbdfacbd5242de055603ce92 Mood Lipstick for 03/09/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/03/19/mood-lipstick Sat, 09 Mar 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>"Yo, your face is changing colors. You upset?"</p> <p>"Yeah, dog, read my lips."<p>Updated: Sat Mar 09, 2019</p> 79da469f6cbae9bd1d73d19142010663 Deadline Week for 03/02/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/03/19/deadline-week Sat, 02 Mar 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>Unpopular opinion: I loved exam weeks. There was something about those weeks of high stress, information overload and late-night cram sessions that felt charged with some kind of magical kinetic energy.</p> <p>In high school, it was the only time of the year when I was allowed to spend the night at a friend's house on a school night. We would stay up until sunrise quizzing each other on notecards. It was the only time of the year when I was permitted to swing by Starbucks before school to pick up a venti with extra shots of espresso. It was a time of eating poorly, living unwashed and breaking into bouts of hysteria without reason.<p>Updated: Sat Mar 02, 2019</p> 1522a8f53a07b45809e8dd14e9ab55bf Social Fasting for 02/23/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/02/19/social-fasting Sat, 23 Feb 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>When I was 20 years old and living in Australia, my roommate persuaded me to go on a seven-day fast. I &#8212; someone who loves a buffet more than puppies on Christmas morning and who considers apple pie and Alison P., my best friend from elementary school, to be confidantes in equal measure &#8212; was skeptical. But my roommate assured me the fast would be a life-changing experience. They had been doing it in her native country, Germany, for years. Other roommates from around the world chimed in. Apparently, fasts had been standard throughout the world, and I, the lone American, was on the outs with my food-is-life philosophy.</p> <p>For seven days, I was to consume nothing but water and tea. Fair enough. When I committed to the weeklong fast, however, I didn't realize I was committing to a full month of limited food. Two weeks were dedicated to slowly getting my body used to eating very little, until I was down to just an apple a day. After the fast, my roommates said I needed a week to slowly reintroduce foods.<p>Updated: Sat Feb 23, 2019</p> 9fe425a2a241af5be10805ba2b971751 Box of Cheese for 02/16/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/02/19/box-of-cheese Sat, 16 Feb 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>My high school friends were all in a group text on Valentine's Day. Those of us with kids began it around 8 p.m. because, well, we weren't doing anything. The married ones joined in around 9:30, having come home from their dinner. The dating friends joined the text conversation closer to 11 p.m., having wined and dined and, well, what have you. As our group was swapping stories about Valentine's Day or the lack thereof, one friend still hadn't chimed in.</p> <p>Amira had her first baby a few short months ago, so we figured she was probably sleeping. It's hard to even pretend to have romance when you're exhausted and living life in a nursing bra. We figured her gift was a reasonable bedtime.<p>Updated: Sat Feb 16, 2019</p> 6a9a434f1c711791a03757058f7539b2 Pleasure Practice for 02/09/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/02/19/pleasure-practice Sat, 09 Feb 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>"What's your pleasure practice?" my friend Lynn asked.</p> <p>We were sitting in a cafe having coffee together. And by "together," I mean I was drinking coffee, which practically landed on her lap after she asked this question and it went out my nose and across the table. Otherwise, Lynn was drinking tea.<p>Updated: Sat Feb 09, 2019</p> 2ac9fb9e7c45a528b1f6299b3a339ee2 Girl Scout Cookies for 02/02/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/02/19/girl-scout-cookies Sat, 02 Feb 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I am now of the age when all of my friends' daughters are becoming Girl Scouts. They post pictures of their cute kids in their blue Daisy uniforms and talk about meetings and singing songs and everlasting friendships and sewing patches and community work.</p> <p>It gives me hives.<p>Updated: Sat Feb 02, 2019</p> 3be649e9ba7531c04e0f5447e93dcb69 Contacts and Signs for 01/19/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/01/19/contacts-and-signs Sat, 19 Jan 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I've been working a lot lately. Too much, perhaps. And <span class="column--highlighted-text">though I've known people who buoy heavy workloads with a newfound dedication to meditation or morning walks, such an onslaught of deadlines and extraction of brainpower only buoys my dedication to wearing the same jeans and bra 18 days in a row</span>. I think I remember my most recent shower, but I can't be sure. Perhaps I only wrote about one in a story.</p> <p>My cousin and his family came to visit yesterday. I put on deodorant for what was possibly the first time since I got this assignment. I didn't change my jeans. I didn't put in contacts. I brushed my teeth, but not my hair. Overall, they got the best I could give. We spoke of parenting and work and our futures and vacations. Then my cousin spoke of noticing signs in every little thing and how we cling to those signs, overanalyze those signs, gamble on those signs.<p>Updated: Sat Jan 19, 2019</p> f94a77dcbdeaa667d0f2ceb7bb57f957 Cruising With Kids for 01/12/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/01/19/cruising-with-kids Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I am starting off 2019 with my dream job. It is the unexpected-but-always-hoped-for whipped-cream-and-cherry-on-top gig, granted after 14 years of my paying my screenwriting dues. The workload is intense, the accelerated timeline nearly impossible, but the experience is a gift.</p> <p>One of the more challenging aspects of this job is the quantity of hours it keeps me from my children. So, like any well-adjusted parent with a few surprise extra bucks in her pocket, I am buying their love back with a guilt purchase &#8212; in this case, a cruise.<p>Updated: Sat Jan 12, 2019</p> ed21e0cc76a872a17dcd987e8a0209fb Butterflies for Christmas for 01/05/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/01/19/butterflies-for-christmas Sat, 05 Jan 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>My 3-year-old wanted one thing from Santa this year: butterflies. Not butterfly-print dresses or rubber butterfly toys. Not even the creepy pinned-down dead butterflies in display cases. Real, living butterflies. And by George, the big man in red brought her some come Christmas morning.</p> <p>Well, sort of.<p>Updated: Sat Jan 05, 2019</p> 10e971de62ecea747678d84649a47914 Frosty Photos for 12/15/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/12/18/frosty-photos Sat, 15 Dec 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>"I can't take the picture if you're crying."</p> <p>Every parent who has ever attempted professional family photos has probably heard that sentence uttered. But when the photographer said it, she was talking to me.<p>Updated: Sat Dec 15, 2018</p> 3677439ebed2fe7bedb96edd838927f2 Scary Christmas for 12/08/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/12/18/scary-christmas Sat, 08 Dec 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>We don't have a basement. We have a scary-basement. This distinction must be honored. On our first day in our home, there was a 6-foot snake hanging out down there. Since then, it has been home to fellow snake friends, mice, spiders, frogs and the occasional opossum.</p> <p>The garage door, which goes directly into this unfinished basement does not fully close, and holes around the piping and venting make an easy-access highway for all the creepy-crawlies. If we didn't have a very secure, heavy and deadbolted door leading to the basement, I might never sleep.<p>Updated: Sat Dec 08, 2018</p> 2787bf3e940cb02eda105bdc94cdde50 Goodbye, Pregnancy Jeans for 12/01/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/11/18/goodbye-pregnancy-jeans Sat, 01 Dec 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>This was my first Thanksgiving in six years without pregnancy pants. I've never actually been pregnant on Thanksgiving, but surely that's beside the point.</p> <p>Pregnancy pants, as I've noted many times before, are God's gift to women, avid buffet-goers, shoplifters and Thanksgiving diners everywhere. The expandable pouch and elastic waistband could easily make any human a suitable stand-in mother for a baby kangaroo, were there ever a need &#8212; or simply a desire, because really, who hasn't had that fantasy?<p>Updated: Sat Dec 01, 2018</p> 4fd05ab6f4fb98be54a60bc18a01ff83 Floor Picnic for 11/24/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/11/18/floor-picnic Sat, 24 Nov 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>We were never dining room kind of people. <span class="column--highlighted-text">For years, I thought it was a before-its-time minimalist museum, boasting its sole piece of art: the table, complete with expansion wings for an extended family that would never sit at it, lit for display by its own personal chandelier. Very Andy Warhol.</span> Surely, we must have ventured into the dining room for a dinner deemed fancy enough to risk the carpet stains, though I don't recall this time in my childhood, nor are there pictures to prove its occurrence. Early memories of Thanksgiving are not of that room. They are of a blanket on the floor for a turkey day picnic. Floor picnics always felt intimate and novel and a bit naughty, and they were endlessly fun. Perhaps this is why the pomp and circumstance of the holiday is a bit lost on me.</p> <p>As the years rolled forward, we moved farther and farther from the dining room table. We would meet my parents' friends at a buffet, where my dad and I would wear full Native American costumes &#8212; something that surely would be frowned upon by many as being insensitive cultural appropriation today and was most definitely offensive to some back then, but we hadn't a clue. When the restaurant closed &#8212; in no part because of discrimination lawsuits brought on by our attire, I hope &#8212; we began spending the day at another family friend's house. We did this for years, until a fight I had with the host over an episode of "Friends" led me to make a very dramatic proclamation that I was never going back to that house. My parents could go if they chose, but I would be having Thanksgiving at home.<p>Updated: Sat Nov 24, 2018</p> 0cd67a484b0dade64a561c2f3933eea9 To Grandmother's House We Go for 11/17/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/11/18/to-grandmothers-house-we-go Sat, 17 Nov 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>Packing for holiday travel is akin, I would imagine, to packing for placement by the Witness Protection Program. When you don't know where you'll wind up, you have to prepare for everything. Will we wind up in a boondocks motel hours away from our destination? Mars? Better pack that water purifier in case we get a flat tire in the desert and have to slurp from the last puddle of stagnant liquid.</p> <p>My SUV is already packed to the brim. Sure, there's the to-be-expected necessities for a full day of travel. We have movies, toys, snacks. But it gets more absurd than that. It's not just movies; it's the type of movies. Yes, there are the favorites, but mustn't we also prepare for the sudden toddler tantrum that could turn those miles into hours of questioning our life's choices? What if she suddenly decides she doesn't want to watch anything other than "Peppa Pig" episodes? What if she suddenly decides Peppa is demon spawn and terrifies her? What if all she wants are Christmas movies? <span class="column--highlighted-text">What if she decides she's agnostic and Christmas has become too capitalistic and yearns for the artistic purity of "Citizen Kane"? I can't listen to her screaming for Rosebud for 13 straight hours. I just can't.</span> So we take all the movies, from "Pulp Fiction" to "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs," because who knows.<p>Updated: Sat Nov 17, 2018</p> 5b64595e49766883368e907a561add25 ALF Underwear for 11/10/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/11/18/alf-underwear Sat, 10 Nov 2018 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>There was, of course, the issue of the ALF underwear.</p> <p>The panties featuring the likeness of everyone's favorite furry Melmac native appeared in my daughter's drawer after my mom's most recent visit. At 3, my daughter is the last of her friends to be potty trained. It's been the perfect blend of her obstinance and her parents' laziness that has kept her in the younger toddler class with the other untrained.<p>Updated: Sat Nov 10, 2018</p> 69dad9fb7bc2b9def0782b4b6b99ff8f She's Her for 11/03/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/11/18/shes-her Sat, 03 Nov 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I was scared of having a daughter. I didn't know how to raise a girl in this world of unlimited ands. She'd have to be this and that and definitely this. <i> I </i> don't know how to be a girl in this world; how could I possibly guide another?</p> <p>I prayed for a boy first. Surely, a boy must have fewer ands. Surely, my outside perspective could shine a light on what to do and say and teach. Surely, having been a mother first, I would then know what to say when my girl came.<p>Updated: Sat Nov 03, 2018</p>