Katiedid Langrock from Creators Syndicate https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid Creators Syndicate is an international syndication company that represents cartoonists and columnists of the highest caliber. en Fri, 17 Jan 2020 13:20:58 -0800 https://www.creators.com/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Katiedid Langrock from Creators Syndicate https://cdn.creators.com/features/katiedid-langrock-thumb.jpg https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid f309aaddb69b68a3a2840a017722da7d Tornado Bunker for 01/11/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/01/20/tornado-bunker Sat, 11 Jan 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p>On Christmas, my husband got a signed picture of Carson Wentz, the quarterback of his favorite football team, the Philadelphia Eagles. He didn't get it from me.</p> <p>"Great," he said. "For the man cave."</p> <p>He caught my eye across the room and added the word "someday."<p>Updated: Sat Jan 11, 2020</p> c47656f52e10d1f9ff93623c6d8ff801 Progression of a Winter Break for 01/04/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/01/20/progression-of-a-winter-break Sat, 04 Jan 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p>Winter Break, Minus One Day:</p> <p>I cannot wait for school to be over. The kids need a break. We all need a break. Time to sleep in all morning! Wear pajamas all day! Make cookies! Make hot cocoa! Make memories! Snuggle up in front of movies. In front of the fire. In front of the menorah. In front of the Christmas tree. Play on the tree swing outside. Play board games inside. Connect. Relax. Love. I cannot wait.</p> <p>Winter Break, Day 1:<p>Updated: Sat Jan 04, 2020</p> d8b535575de1269ff2952cd745d34c5b Broken Coffee Maker for 12/28/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/12/19/broken-coffee-maker Sat, 28 Dec 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p>The coffee maker broke.</p> <p>What was I saying? Oh, yes, the coffee maker broke. It occurs to me that there are other ways to make coffee. Surely, coffee has been made without a coffee maker. I will be able to think of what those ways are once I have coffee. But the coffee maker broke.</p> <p>It's fine. It's Christmastime. And Hanukkah time. And New Year's time. And I am on deadline. And the kids are home from school. And they need me to play monsters. And they need me to change the sheets after an accident. And they need breakfast. No, not that breakfast. They wanted that breakfast 10 minutes ago. Now they want a new breakfast. And I could absolutely handle getting them second breakfast while changing their sheets as I play a werewolf mummy, but the coffee maker broke.<p>Updated: Sat Dec 28, 2019</p> 6e46351c68e8423b479585f691f937bf Hiding the Tree Swing for 12/21/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/12/19/hiding-the-tree-swing Sat, 21 Dec 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p>For Chrismukkah this year, I bought my kids a giant tree swing.</p> <p>This has been an effort three years in the making. The kids have always wanted a tree swing (heck, I've always wanted a tree swing), but we are blessed with magically tall and ancient trees on our property &#8212; which means the lowest branches loom high above our house. Buying a tree swing is easy; getting it set up has proved to be nearly impossible.</p> <p>Plenty of people have come by the house to see whether they could hang the swing for us, and plenty have turned down the paying gig. This year, I found a professional competitive tree climber to take on the task. And I could not be more thrilled with the results.<p>Updated: Sat Dec 21, 2019</p> 71ba9112fb5c44d38a492f1470db85fe Santa Slaps for 12/14/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/12/19/santa-slaps Sat, 14 Dec 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p>When I was about 7, my son's age, I was determined to see Santa Claus. From previous years, I knew that if I stared out my window long enough, my eyes would go heavy and I'd eventually sleep, my head resting on the windowsill. This year, I couldn't miss it. I wouldn't miss it. Rather than sleep in my bedroom, I insisted on sleeping on the couch, next to the tree. If I fell asleep, surely I'd wake from the bustle of Santa placing presents under my tree.</p> <p>This was a bold move. At this age, I had a healthy fear of Santa. I knew he was a no-nonsense guy. He had a lot of kids to get to that night and didn't have patience for kids who would try to trap him, ensnare him or sneak up on him. If he saw me curled around the tree, softly snoring, it was just as likely that he would opt to give me coal instead of toys. It was a naughty act, and I felt as if I was already pushing it, seeing as my mom is Jewish. Santa didn't visit any of my other Jewish friends. It was worth never getting a single present again (well, not from Santa, anyway) to see magic in action.</p> <p>To this day, I don't know how I didn't wake as presents were placed around the tree. That year both secured my belief in magic and secured my fear of Santa. I had undoubtedly pushed a boundary. Now I'd better be extra good.<p>Updated: Sat Dec 14, 2019</p> d074389ba6ce1181a378fadbd0410f06 Woman's Never List for 12/07/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/12/19/womans-never-list Sat, 07 Dec 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p>There is something making its way around social media called the "Woman's Never List."</p> <p>The premise is that every woman has a mental list, personal and unique to her, of things she will never do. The idea isn't that these are things the woman would like to do; rather, they are things she has recognized she will not do, despite any inherent desire. At its essence, it is supposed to be, I think, a list about self-acceptance, about being able to admit we all fall short somewhere. It's a list that seeks camaraderie in airing out secrets.</p> <p>I'm all for self-acceptance, so I eagerly read the lists popping up. I expected fun misfit tales, such as "I will never be able to tell my identical twin nieces apart" or "I will never be able to grow back my eyebrows after aggressively over-plucking them in the '90s." I thought that perhaps I would read something scandalous, such as "I will never stop finding Count von Count kinda sexy" or "I will never stop loving Nickelback."<p>Updated: Sat Dec 07, 2019</p> d8447f0c9113ddb1acc5574eaeadce24 5-Minute Motel for 11/30/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/11/19/5-minute-motel Sat, 30 Nov 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p>"You have five minutes after checking in to ask for a refund. Requests after five minutes will not be granted."</p> <p>Blinking, I read the sign again as the motel cashier charged my credit card. <i> Well, this doesn't bode well. How many people had demanded a refund within the first 10 minutes of seeing their room before the place decided that this five-minute limit had to be implemented? </i></p> <p>"Smoking or non?" the motel cashier asked me through the bulletproof window.<p>Updated: Sat Nov 30, 2019</p> b4954b5900db8523013f04561825f113 Mutant Suitcase for 11/23/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/11/19/mutant-suitcase Sat, 23 Nov 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p>"Oh, my Godzilla! You still have that mutant suitcase?" my friend said, mouth agape, when she saw my packed luggage &#8212; specifically, my soft, flimsy but impossibly huge gray suitcase. "When you bought it, I was sure you'd be stopped at the very first airport you dragged it into and have its contents searched for smuggled acrobats."</p> <p>To be fair, it could probably hold a handful of contortionists quite comfortably.</p> <p>The mutant suitcase has tracked a lot of miles. It was purchased after the birth of my first child, when hauling luggage, a stroller, a car seat, a diaper bag and a wriggly baby through a cramped airport made my skin crawl with anxiety. This felt impossible with even just one suitcase, so no way could it be done with two. Yet now we had so much more stuff! <span class="column--highlighted-text">We had beloved stuffed animals, a pharmacy's worth of medication and enough diapers to survive Armageddon. Nothing could be left home, because you could never guess what the baby would need the next day, the next hour, the next minute, the next second. But two suitcases? No, two would not do. So in came the purchase of the mutant suitcase.</span><p>Updated: Sat Nov 23, 2019</p> ab6749c46112cb6c19a5de1d596f07b5 Neighborhood Decorations for 11/16/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/11/19/neighborhood-decorations Sat, 16 Nov 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p>It's that time of year again, when my neighborhood looks intentionally festive rather than just lazy. The holly on the mailboxes, the icicle Christmas lights dangling off rain gutters, and the Nativity scene window stickers could all be mistaken by any new visitor to the cul-de-sac for recently adorned holiday decor put up by those eager to make jolly. Little would a new trespasser know that these winter wonderlings have been in place since we moved to the neighborhood over three years ago.</p> <p>Dead of summer? How about a light-up snowman leaning on your wilting hibiscus? Nothing goes better with your dead brown lawn than a wicker Rudolph-and-friends lawn display.</p> <p>Not that I am judging. Oh, no. I am taking notes.<p>Updated: Sat Nov 16, 2019</p> 453870fd54407322a48b9f1d81be09d7 Promo A Go-Go for 11/09/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/11/19/promo-a-go-go-e5e7c Sat, 09 Nov 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>Congratulations!</p> <p>Your big new promotion is wonderful news. You definitely deserve your new, supersized salary and juicy executive perks.<p>Updated: Sat Nov 09, 2019</p> b69f9f0070d1692afbb008eef5669666 Chew-broccla for 11/02/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/11/19/chew-broccla Sat, 02 Nov 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p>"Hold on a second," my aunt said to my cousin, who was mid-story. She turned to stare at me. Silence fell over our dinner table. Then my aunt started to giggle.</p> <p>"You have to be the loudest chewer in the entire world."</p> <p>I was about 7 years old. And when I look back, this is the first memory I have of feeling truly mortified by someone's observation of me.<p>Updated: Sat Nov 02, 2019</p> 94238404f9409ade17ad39ae39311081 Jump Right In for 10/26/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/10/19/jump-right-in Sat, 26 Oct 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p>"They jump?!"</p> <p>"That's what he say," the interpreter told me. "They jump."</p> <p>The owner of Casa Lawrence, a kind man with an easy laugh and warm eyes that sparkle when he smiles, which is always, held out his left palm. He extended and curled the fingers on his right hand, making them look like worms jumping off his hand.<p>Updated: Sat Oct 26, 2019</p> 9eabea5eb29d3d93bbdd6a24c1c6eb1c Couple Costumes for 10/19/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/10/19/couple-costumes Sat, 19 Oct 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p>"How about 'The Wizard of Oz'?"</p> <p><i> Too boring. </i></p> <p>"How about a family of sugar skull skeletons?"<p>Updated: Sat Oct 19, 2019</p> 9225aa1da6e2be27c0033fa8b3045be6 Fear Kicks In for 10/12/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/10/19/fear-kicks-in Sat, 12 Oct 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p>"Ooh, a bride! Look, Mama! She's so beautiful."</p> <p>I turned around to see what my 3-year-old was talking about. We were shopping in Ross, so I expected that she was referring to a mannequin in a gorgeous dress rather than a real bride walking down the aisle. That is, unless she was completely lost &#8212; or perhaps completely un-lost and, having just run from the altar, was shopping for some clothes to change into before skipping town and changing her name.</p> <p>I was wrong. Upon spinning on my heels, I saw that the beautiful bride my daughter was gushing over was not a mannequin or a lost bride or a runaway bride. Rather, it was a terrifying Halloween decoration &#8212; a shrunken ancient-looking floating warty witch head surrounded by a sea of dirtied fabric scraps that looked more like mummy dressing than they did formalwear. I, giving the proper and intended reaction to this morbid display, gave a tiny jump backward. My daughter stared up at the wicked apparition, smitten.<p>Updated: Sat Oct 12, 2019</p> bbc67ee03bb35b1e8dae8dbe2a4c7ac0 DNA Results for 10/05/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/10/19/dna-results Sat, 05 Oct 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p>I am American. I know where my grandparents were from, given that they either immigrated to America or were first-generation Americans. There is nothing exotic in my appearance to uncover, given that I'm most often referred to as having girl-next-door looks. Thus, the popular DNA tests never held much interest for me. What could I learn that I didn't already know?</p> <p>When my mom told me she had received her DNA results, my interest piqued just a little. Mom is Jewish. We are a displaced people. I expected the results to read "just Jew" and come accompanied with a knish and some mustard.</p> <p>Instead, she received this exciting waltz through unknown history and was gifting nearly equal percentages of Ethiopian, Roma, Middle Eastern and eastern European Jew, <span class="column--highlighted-text">with Turkish and Finnish roots popping up just to add a little flair and explain why we love baklava and pickled herring. Not together, mind you.</span><p>Updated: Sat Oct 05, 2019</p> 499819644d2eb22f6e1df9b740522059 The Plight of a Whistleblower for 09/28/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/09/19/the-plight-of-a-whistleblower Sat, 28 Sep 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>"My teacher says we need to protect the whistleblowers," my 7-year-old said.</p> <p><i>These kids</i>, I thought. <i>They know everything.</i><p>Updated: Sat Sep 28, 2019</p> c1adae0375e719cecba6efbf23e16ca8 Superstition Is the Way for 09/21/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/09/19/superstition-is-the-way Sat, 21 Sep 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>"Do you know why they call it a superstition?" Mr. Patrick, my sixth-grade teacher, asked the class. He had just told us about an old friend who died a horrific death with welts and boils, rashes and coughs, fevers and hallucinations, after refusing to heed the warnings and entering an ancient pyramid. The doctors didn't know what was afflicting him, other than everything. Other than the curse.</p> <p>"Because if you don't take the warning super seriously, you'll be super dead!" Mr. Patrick said, punctuating the point with a deep chuckle. It was a terrible joke. They were always terrible jokes. But we didn't love him for the jokes; we loved him for the stories.<p>Updated: Sat Sep 21, 2019</p> 18ca120d8ee1ac0b41011a9fb7ee0a1a Bright Ideas for 09/07/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/09/19/bright-ideas Sat, 07 Sep 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>"It's... bright."</p> <p>This is about the closest thing to a compliment that the new shutters on my house and the new color of the front door have received.<p>Updated: Sat Sep 07, 2019</p> 71081dab1acaa780f6dbc0a80d15cdc7 High School Reunion for 08/24/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/08/19/high-school-reunion Sat, 24 Aug 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p>The bulk of those in my high school group of friends are a year older than I am. Recently, our group text thread was a robust conversation about whether they should attend their 20-year high school reunion. They chatted about whom they would want to see and whom they desperately would not want to see. But most of their interests and anxieties have been mitigated by social media. Unlike at their five-year reunion &#8212; when they were surprised to see who had gotten breast augmentation, who had married someone the age of our parents, who had finally outgrown the adolescent awkward phase and who had become a drug dealer &#8212; we now know. It's on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Tracking the odd roads life takes everyone on is about as difficult as opening a web browser.</p> <p>Well, they did decide to attend, and I, for the life of me, couldn't imagine why.</p> <p>"Why do you have any interest in going?" I asked them.<p>Updated: Sat Aug 24, 2019</p> d99900cce9e8abc44f4e1deb410cdb99 Buffet People for 08/17/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/08/19/buffet-people Sat, 17 Aug 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>We are buffet people &#8212; at least my dad's side of the family. Having grown up with little money and seemingly never quite enough to eat, my dad considers buffets the only kind of dining experience that makes any real sense.</p> <p>"Why spend $9 on one plate of food when you could go to a buffet and spend $7.99 on six plates of food?" my dad would say. And then, as if to challenge himself, he would get no fewer than eight plates.<p>Updated: Sat Aug 17, 2019</p>