Katiedid Langrock from Creators Syndicate https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid Creators Syndicate is an international syndication company that represents cartoonists and columnists of the highest caliber. en Thu, 20 Sep 2018 18:10:56 -0700 https://www.creators.com/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Katiedid Langrock from Creators Syndicate https://cdn.creators.com/features/katiedid-langrock-thumb.jpg https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid b93ba876c34a1dbc9797751cee59da44 Coffee Grind for 09/15/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/09/18/coffee-grind Sat, 15 Sep 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>We ran out of coffee.</p> <p>How could we have let this happen? We knew we were coming to the end. Written in bold black lettering on the dry-erase board mounted on the refrigerator read, quite plainly, "Coffee." Perhaps it should have read, "COFFEE, you fools!" We might not have been in this mess if it had.<p>Updated: Sat Sep 15, 2018</p> fffa70968422d2ef6243be1127fe1e40 No More Castle on the Hill for 09/08/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/09/18/no-more-castle-on-the-hill Sat, 08 Sep 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I've written of the Castle before. I lived in it for a year while I was in Australia. We sometimes humorously called it the White Castle, sometimes affectionately called it Standing Ruins, sometimes truthfully called it Death Bug Fortress. We always called it home.</p> <p>The Castle was the perfect twisted fairy tale home, like something that comes to life on-screen in a Tim Burton movie or perhaps a Wes Anderson movie. It existed somewhere in the realm of disturbed whimsy. The Castle &#8212; at the top of the highest hill overlooking the quaint town below, with rounded walls and towers, surrounded by rainforest &#8212; was flimsy, dilapidated and infested with bugs whose mission in life was to kill you while you slept. Its white turrets were the first thing to catch the morning sun, gleaming back to you what the day had in store. This is something noteworthy when you live just the slightest bit west of the first place on earth the sun hits every day.<p>Updated: Sat Sep 08, 2018</p> 9ce4075e3f5e88ec86cf4c51a08cdf93 Kid Zones for 09/01/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/08/18/kid-zones Sat, 01 Sep 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>"Will you be taking the kids?" my childless friend asked.</p> <p>"I will," I gulped. A 22-hour flight with little ones didn't sound ideal to me, either.<p>Updated: Sat Sep 01, 2018</p> 4ac149ecbbf64720dd6915bf68846ed0 Ice Cream Rebellion for 08/25/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/08/18/ice-cream-rebellion Sat, 25 Aug 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>"I'm not touching you," my 6-year-old said, holding a pillow a mere millimeter from my face after I demanded he stop hitting me with it.</p> <p>"I know what you're doing," I said, beyond agitated.<p>Updated: Sat Aug 25, 2018</p> 0b2b8c73f96bf04e9bd5dff6e448d18b The Power of Will for 08/18/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/08/18/the-power-of-will Sat, 18 Aug 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>My "Will" is like a less interesting Mary Poppins. The wind blows her in when I need her, but not when it would just be kinda cool to have her around. I know she'd never miss a visitation when a mysterious illness requires an exhaustive research initiative or when there is a problem in my kid's school that needs immediate interference and correction. My Will is relentless and more than willing to be vilified or disliked when righting a wrong or protecting my loved ones.</p> <p>But that's the problem with Will. She's kind of a drag. She's never around for the fun stuff, such as staying up till midnight to sew matching Flintstones family Halloween costumes or whispering "you got this, pretty lady" in my ear as I hold my hand to a car for the third day in a row in hopes of winning it. In fact, Will wouldn't even let me enter the free car competition in the first place. She'd be like, "Yeah, so I get that that sounds cool, but no."<p>Updated: Sat Aug 18, 2018</p> 4ffa268c4fc3072716ff0ff16c5d016b Octopuses for Breakfast for 08/11/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/08/18/octopuses-for-breakfast Sat, 11 Aug 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>Vice President Mike Pence announced plans for Space Force, a new military branch that presumably would be dedicated to saving us from the evils of those weird octopus dudes Will Smith killed in Independence Day. To be fair, octopuses are insanely smart little freaks of nature. I'm fairly confident that in addition to being able to shape-shift into anything from an old tire to your least favorite sister, Martha, they can read minds and may eventually take over the world. The octopuses we have on Earth must be stopped, let alone the ones falling to Earth from the evil skies!</p> <p>However, I felt profoundly sad when I heard of this "Star Wars"-like mission. From the time I was a child, I have wondered why the assumption we have about aliens is that they are just as evil, trigger-happy, murderous and territory-spreading as we are. <span class="column--highlighted-text">Could it not be that on the planet made of one massive diamond (it's a true thing; look it up), the endlessly reflective rainbow light made all of its little marshmallow creatures, I don't know, happy?</span> Perhaps their days are spent building crystal snowmen and living in shiny castles like the one in "Frozen."<p>Updated: Sat Aug 11, 2018</p> 13035aa171f6ad2e24ea6ac61a0ec40b Twister Coming for 08/04/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/08/18/twister-coming Sat, 04 Aug 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>"Twister" came out when I was in junior high. I loved that movie. It had action, suspense and heart, and it defined my wardrobe for the next 18 months or so. I became obsessed with Helen Hunt's white tank top and baggy khaki cargo pants. It was the epitome of independent adventurer, and I wore that outfit as many times as I could get away with each week, despite my being told I looked "uncool" and was dressed in "the colors of an onion." What did they know? Clearly, they hadn't seen the magic that was "Twister."</p> <p>Besides fashion inspiration, I had three other major takeaways from that movie. As the daughter of a psychologist, I thought the sex therapist's relationship with her patients seemed highly unhealthy. Two, Bill Paxton was my first <i> man </i> crush. And three, tornadoes are awesome!<p>Updated: Sat Aug 04, 2018</p> aacf5adb0453182c64b7ca52ee1a74a2 Memory Climb for 07/28/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/07/18/memory-climb Sat, 28 Jul 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>"I used to be interesting."</p> <p>I got too used to saying that. It's part of the reason we moved to the wild. The memory of who I was &#8212; camping under the stars, rappelling down cliff sides, hiking into the vast nothingness &#8212; was still too clear to ignore. It hadn't drifted into the misty haze of happenings long past &#8212; you know, the place where one can't be sure whether one experienced adventures personally or just read about the adventures, such as snorting Pixy Stix or toilet papering your crush's backyard. No, <span class="column--highlighted-text">the memories were clear, and they were calling me</span>.<p>Updated: Sat Jul 28, 2018</p> 8d7e0130db0066f201ae65cd6758327c The Allure of Neglect for 07/21/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/07/18/the-allure-of-neglect Sat, 21 Jul 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>"Thrives on neglect."</p> <p>This was the sign posted under a tray of cactuses and other succulents sold at a local farmers market. My friend had posted the picture to her social media as a statement of our times. How disgusting that "neglect" is now a selling point. But all I thought was, "Hot dog, that's a plant I need!"<p>Updated: Sat Jul 21, 2018</p> 7b4ea394417d0044e37a7be14e8cfafb I Scream for School for 07/14/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/07/18/i-scream-for-school Sat, 14 Jul 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>My cousin makes himself an ice cream sundae every evening. It began as self-medicating. For the principal and father of three, the chopped nuts, whipped cream, hot fudge and maraschino cherry served as a moment of delectable peace at the end of yet another stressful day. Then the kids found out.</p> <p>Soon, spoonsful of melting peanut butter ribbon and rocky road were distributed in an assembly line of Minnie Mouse bowls to his daughters, in what can only be described as a smorgasbord of hell. No more was the process a relaxing treat; it was a nightly barrage of demands over flavors, toppings and seconds. The beloved rocky road was replaced with strawberry, a flavor my cousin is allergic to. Nuts were replaced with gummy worms. Whipped cream replaced with condensed milk. And the entire ice cream experience has been, for my cousin, replaced with a stiff scotch, which he pours himself nightly after cleaning up the counter of drippy, sticky melted ice cream that has been left behind after his daughters go to bed.<p>Updated: Sat Jul 14, 2018</p> 8e024e730cba8e83f5312a8de11ab5d1 Wild Acclimation for 07/07/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/07/18/wild-acclimation Sat, 07 Jul 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I've been away from home for much of the past month for weddings and work meetings. On the way to the airport, my brother mused that he hopes I don't return to a home infested with snakes. Since moving to the wild, we have discovered the occasional scaled squatter after returning home from vacations.</p> <p>After a thorough inspection, I texted my brother: No snakes had moved in. Just a nice family of scorpions.<p>Updated: Sat Jul 07, 2018</p> 7bfb031ff8db1af5d6ba6c0868f09efe Airport Drama and Sedation for 06/30/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/06/18/airport-drama-and-sedation Sat, 30 Jun 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>"Are you going to leave at 5?" my husband asked.</p> <p>"Probably 4:30," I replied. "I want to make sure I have time to let the Valium take effect."<p>Updated: Sat Jun 30, 2018</p> d8513e990be192aae9f59397cd8caa4b Nacho Problem for 06/23/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/06/18/nacho-problem Sat, 23 Jun 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>"I love food," I said. "I can't help it."</p> <p>My friend leveled me with her eyes. "You could help it if you knew the foods you were eating."<p>Updated: Sat Jun 23, 2018</p> 338fb36170fb8a2105521021ba605029 Old Dirt for 06/16/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/06/18/old-dirt Sat, 16 Jun 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>Mortifyingly satisfying.</p> <p>Those were the words that came to mind as I drove through my old stamping grounds, places I hadn't frequented in nearly 20 years, while listening to Lithium, the '90s alternative and grunge station on Sirius XM.<p>Updated: Sat Jun 16, 2018</p> c21aee570bcd40b66e0e3cbb94892ad2 Horsing Around for 06/09/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/06/18/horsing-around Sat, 09 Jun 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>"I'm not sure she was too experienced," my mom said of the woman who had led her on horseback for her birthday hike.</p> <p>I asked her why.<p>Updated: Sat Jun 09, 2018</p> 73a608c45e83c55a160db6eff8a9edae Teacher Trauma for 06/02/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/06/18/teacher-trauma Sat, 02 Jun 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>Tomorrow I teach my seventh class. It's easy to remember the exact number because that's how it is with trauma. The actual experience may fade into a haze of chalk dust, but the number of times you've experienced such agony remains.</p> <p>Chalk dust? Whom am I kidding? There is no chalk. And that's part of the problem. These college students don't know the asthmatic repercussions of a chalkboard covered from top to bottom in cursive writing. Heck, they don't even know what cursive is! They never experienced the chalk, which could only be described as leprous as it squeaked across the blackboards and busted a classroomful of eardrums, losing remnants of its chalky body. They don't know how a cloud of chalks-that-once-were would hang like a low ceiling, highlighted in alternating glorious and claustrophobia-inducing colors by the flickering fluorescent lights above. I'm fairly certain that inhaling that toxic cloud daily was the onset of the nationwide peanut allergy epidemic &#8212; or perhaps just my fear of disco balls and anything that hangs above my head and reflects light.<p>Updated: Sat Jun 02, 2018</p> 436bb4e9483dd3a3951639b479a86191 Summer Hours for 05/26/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/05/18/summer-hours Sat, 26 May 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I'm failing at summer. One week in and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to make it to autumn with a passing grade.</p> <p>This is my first summer in the terms that I knew it as a child. With my son completing his first year in elementary school, the seasons are once again dictated by the school calendar. Summer, those rogue months in which we break free from the lockstep of the formal year and kick up our heels in a Kool-Aid-induced jig, has returned. Except I'm not doing it right.<p>Updated: Sat May 26, 2018</p> dd27579e016573226d8a77d7ff32cf90 The Apologetic Flasher for 05/19/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/05/18/the-apologetic-flasher Sat, 19 May 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>"I came out of my apartment, and there he was &#8212; trench coat wide-open, totally naked, so proud of himself."</p> <p>This past week, one of my best friends came to visit, and along with her came a collection of stories from our time apart. We met while living in Los Angeles but grew up just 20 minutes apart on the other side of the country. It allowed for an easy friendship. Our senses of humor mirrored each other. Our life experiences paralleled. It was so comforting to find someone from home in a land of glitz and glittering ambition that was so foreign.<p>Updated: Sat May 19, 2018</p> 09deb8bb351300c121675303c2071a5a The Orange Diet for 05/12/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/05/18/the-orange-diet Sat, 12 May 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>There is a story in my family that has been told and retold so many times that I'm no longer certain of the truth behind the tale. It sits in that amorphous place of being either 100 percent accurate or 92 percent false. And knowing all the players in the story, I couldn't even begin to guess the answer.</p> <p>The story is about me, though I have no recollection of the event. I was 4 years old and advanced for my age. My parents were considering putting me in kindergarten a full year early. We went to the school, at which I was tested on my knowledge &#8212; the alphabet, simple math, shapes, etc. I passed everything with flying colors &#8212; colors that I could totally identify, by the way. It seemed a given that I would be starting kindergarten early. That is, until we got to the animal noises portion of the exam.<p>Updated: Sat May 12, 2018</p> 507d5dadbd180065626898413869bd01 Zoo Chaperone for 04/28/2018 https://www.creators.com/read/katiedid/04/18/zoo-chaperone Sat, 28 Apr 2018 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>When my son was 2 1/2, we visited the zoo. I got distracted for just a moment, and when I looked up, my son was climbing over a wall and into the lion's den. One foot was hanging over the king of the jungle's water hole.</p> <p>I ran to pull him back from his suicide mission as he wailed his discontent. The two teenagers who had been standing right next to him spoke as if they had just stepped out of an old Bill and Ted movie.<p>Updated: Sat Apr 28, 2018</p>