If you're like me, you spent part of your Valentine's Day weekend staring at a box of chocolates and trying to figure out how you'd work off those scrumptious calories loaded in caramel bites and cocoa truffles. It ended up being a futile mental exercise for me, as I ate a few of these delectable candies but did not go overboard.

As I enjoyed my chocolates, I also had a great time at the "Lovefest" service given by the women at my church, Vision of Breath with Life Ministries in Columbus, Ohio. Our Valentine's theme last year was "Loving You," taken from 1 John 4:7, and one major point of emphasis by my pastor this year was how "love is about giving." I think that most people would agree that a giving nature is one of love's greatest attributes, but our culture often depicts love as a romantic haze fueled by infatuation, and once that physical obsession ends, the heart is deeply wounded.

The intricacies of the heart are at the center of what is known as the science of love, that is, what psychiatrists study to better understand the complexities of our affections and determine what turns our neurotransmitters on. It's actually quite fascinating to inspect how our brain functions during different stages of love. For example, it is widely known that when a couple is basking in the excitement of their initial courtship, the neurotransmitter dopamine triggers feelings of pleasure. This can result from the simple act of a man giving a woman a beautiful bouquet of red roses or an exquisite diamond ring, or inviting her to a picturesque, candlelit dinner.

These gestures have been romanticized in our culture as quests for happily-ever-after bliss, but these pursuits often "go left," as young folk say nowadays, due to deceitful intentions or immature fixations steeped in lust. We commonly see these scenarios play out on reality TV shows, and while much of the drama on these programs is heavily exaggerated, this entertainment genre has become a focus of scholarly study regarding unhealthy relationships. Many sociologists are doing interesting work that contributes to the science of love in analyzing emotional dysfunction and partner abuse.

Now let's get back to the words of wisdom from my pastor. Something that I have thought about since her remarks is how many relationships, not just romantic ones but also friendships, could be strengthened if they genuinely centered on the application of love as it is taught through Scripture. For instance, 1 John 3:18 tells us not to love with just "words or speech but with actions and in truth" (New International Version). We can all reflect on situations throughout our lives where our deeds did not line up with our expressions of love. Perhaps we were not as giving of our time and resources as we could have been to someone we cared about, which could have resulted in a bond of friendship being weakened or broken. When I examine myself to see if I am applying love in a devout manner, I go to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, one of the first passages in the Bible that I memorized as a child. These verses tell us that love is kind and longsuffering and not envious or prideful. So, I have to continually ask myself, am I showing patience and compassion in my daily interactions? Am I humble in my accomplishments and not boastful? This is the godly love that I want to be the foundation in how I treat others.

Although Valentine's Day has passed, I encourage you to reflect on how you can be more giving and thoughtful this year. It's easy to get caught up in our culture that displays love as fleshly gratification and momentary indulgence, but don't settle for fleeting emotions. Your heart is too precious for that.

Dr. Jessica A. Johnson is a lecturer in the English department at Ohio State University's Lima campus. Email her at [email protected]. Follow her on Twitter: @JjSmojc. To find out more about Jessica Johnson and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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