Dear Jenny: I've been married for 10 years, and things have gotten a little dull in the bedroom. My husband and I are still attracted to each other, and we want to change things up a bit, but life seems to have gotten in the way! We have small children, and at the end of the night we collapse into bed exhausted. We both know neglecting our sex life could be harmful to our relationship, but we don't know how to get the spark back. Do you have any suggestions? — Chris, in Florida

Jenny says: When you neglect your sex life, you're missing out on one of the best parts of your relationship! Being physically and emotionally intimate with your husband is what separates your relationship from others. But there are times when life can get in the way and keeping that spark alive can be tricky. Careers, obligations, personal challenges and parenting can change the dynamic of your marriage while you adjust to life's curveballs. How do you keep the spark alive or, in your case, get it back? Well, above anything else, the relationship you and your husband have must be your first priority. So start stirring things up again by moving your spouse to the top of your "to-do" list (no pun intended!).

Connect during the day by sending a steamy message or flirty picture of yourself. If you build desire and excitement during the day, when you hit the sack at night, sex will be the first thing on your mind, not the last. Another great way to rev things up is to hop in the shower or take a bath together. Even if you have no intention of getting intimate, both can be relaxing and a way to connect physically that often leads to fun.

If you truly find yourself collapsing at night, wake up a little earlier and make time for each other a couple of mornings a week. The more physical contact you have — hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc. — the more active your sex life will become. Once you're married it's easy to get in a rut, because things become routine or neglected. In other words, sex becomes boring. Take the time to learn and express what makes you feel good, because the more pleasurable sex is for you, the more you'll want it.

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