Hello, and welcome to yet another installment of "Parenting by the Decades," the streaming talk show where parents time-travel from the past to relay wisdom from their era on today's thorniest parenting problems.

Now let's meet our panelists.

First up is Mary, from 1951. Mary is 35 and manages a household of nine — including five children and her husband's elderly parents — but isn't allowed to write checks from her own checking account because her husband, Bill, thinks she gets confused too easily.

Then there's Barb, from 1978. Barb, 29, is a divorced mother of three. She drinks brandy Alexanders, has an impressive collection of polyester pantsuits and has played Carly Simon's "No Secrets" album so many times that her daughter has threatened to run away the next time she hears "The Right Thing to Do."

Next is Brad, from 1994. Brad is 32 and has one child with his wife, Amy. In his free time, Brad makes mixtapes of heavy metal music and works in the garage on his Kawasaki motorcycle.

Finally, there's McKenna, 37, who had twins six months ago in a cave birth, assisted by a doula trained in crystal therapy. She's also the host of a podcast about intermittent fasting called "Starvation Salvation."

Our first question is from Amanda, who wants to know whether to homeschool her children.

Mary: I'm assuming you're a farmer and need the children to harvest the crops, but don't forget that rail-riding hobos make great farmhands, too.

Barb: If you want your kids in the house for six extra hours a day, that's on you, my friend.

Brad: Hold on. I'm just rewinding "Army of Darkness" so I can return it to Hollywood Video.

McKenna: Some people say that homeschooling makes children lonely and socially awkward, but I think it's a great way to prevent them from encountering opinions or facts that make you uncomfortable!

Next up is Andy, who wants to know how to get his daughter to eat more fruit and vegetables.

Mary: I'm a big fan of protracted battles in which you force a child to sit at the table until they either pass out from exhaustion or eat the food you've served them.

Barb: Have you tried more casseroles?

Brad: I don't know about kids, but the only thing that works with me is nostalgia. Pot pies? Microwave dinners? That green bean casserole my Aunt Eunice serves at Thanksgiving?

McKenna: Shame, passive-aggressiveness and fake "health talk" all work really well, especially with girls. Try this: "I totally support you not wanting to wear a size 00 like Taylor Swift when you're a grown-up!"

Our final question is from Samantha, who worries her kids spend too much time on social media.

Mary: I don't know what a social medium is. Some kind of school dance, perhaps. Those are fine, as long as they include plenty of chaperones, bands playing Count Basie's greatest hits, punch that a rapscallion can spike and a retractable floor over the pool that accidentally opens during the Charleston contest.

Barb: Try transitioning them to TV. Get them hooked on "As The World Turns" and you can kill two birds with one stone. The only downside is that sometimes you have to explain terms like "blackmail" and "faking your own death."

Brad: This is a tricky one. Let me finish my Zima, think about it and get back to you.

McKenna: OK, boomer. Social media influencers are important thought leaders, and your children are just training themselves for a lifetime of feeling bad about the way they look and how much money they have. There's nothing wrong with that!

Well, that's all the time we have for today, folks, and remember: Parenting advice is like a plastic bag of broccoli that accidentally got pushed to the back of the fridge and forgotten about for three weeks: It stinks, is only good for making you feel guilty and is best immediately discarded.

To learn more about Georgia Garvey, visit GeorgiaGarvey.com.

Photo credit: Jonathan Petersson at Unsplash