Dear Margo: I'm 16 years old and don't feel that my mother and I have good communication skills with each other. It seems like every time we talk whatever I say goes in one ear and out the other, but I have to listen to my mom tell me to grow up, lose weight, clean my room, etc. It's incredibly awkward trying to talk to my dad about anything because his hearing is going. I know I should be patient, but he's not exactly patient with me. I was grounded because I got a D in math class and it seriously wasn't my fault. Basically, I can't talk to my parents. I've tried writing on paper; I've tried e-mail; I've tried everything. Even worse, my mom put a parental block on the computer. I feel incredibly paranoid. OK, I was looking at stuff I shouldn't have been, but it wasn't at their personal things. And my brother's a brat. He argues with EVERYBODY and gets his way constantly. If he wants a friend over, he complains and whines, then gives Mom nasty looks until she finally caves. If I do anything like that I get grounded in a second. My parents tell me I'm worse because I scream. I don't scream. I go in my room and don't come out for several hours. That's not screaming. I just don't know what to do about my family, Margo. I'm stuck.— Teen in West Virginia

Dear Teen: Sixteen is a tough age for kids and their parents. It's good that you understand the value of communication, but unfortunately you can't achieve it. There's an old saying that the older you get, the smarter your parents become. I hope this is so in your case. In the meantime, to calm things down, you might try to lose a little weight, clean up your room and bring that D up to a C. As for retreating to your room for hours, granted, that is not screaming, but it is passive aggressive. I am guessing if you make an effort your parents will seem much more reasonable to you. — Margo, cooperatively

When Gum Earns Opprobrium

Dear Margo: Maybe I'm getting too old (61), but when did it become socially acceptable for adult men and women to chew gum with their mouths open and constantly "crack" their gum? I can understand a person indulging himself or herself in an activity better suited to a 10-year-old in the privacy of one's home — but not in public sitting behind someone at the movies, standing in line at the supermarket, or at the office. If I turn and ask the person to please knock off the popping noise, the response is angry looks or verbal abuse about how it is a free country. I find this rude. Does that make me an oddball? Granted, there are many things going on in the world these days that are more significant, but the sound effects from gum are driving me nuts. — Cotton In My Ears

Dear Cot: Actually, according to traditional etiquette, it has never been socially acceptable to chew gum in public, let alone treat it like bubble gum and crack it. (Though I will say it is satisfying and something I occasionally do when I am by myself.) I am either too inhibited or too hidebound by early training to even chew gum in public, though I see a lot of it around. (Sometimes ex-smokers substitute gum.) I am not surprised you get an earful when you ask the gum-snappers to knock it off; they don't think they're doing anything wrong. As to your query, it is a free country, those people are rude, and you're not an oddball ... just someone with a more finely tuned social sense than some others. — Margo, traditionally

***

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.