Dear Margo: I have been married for over 15 years and continue to have issues with my mother-in-law. Since the first day she walked into my home, she has been stealing prescription drugs (painkillers) and acts as though she's done nothing wrong.

My wife, her daughter, is just as frustrated as I am, but is afraid to rock the boat. Whenever she does, her father calls us both liars and then they ignore us for months at a time.

I am OK with this, but my wife and kids get hurt. How can I confront both my mother-in-law and father-in-law while still keeping things civil for my own family? — Right in the Middle

Dear Right: Hide the pills, hon. When the in-laws come to visit, put the painkillers in an unlikely place. (On HBO's "Big Love," Bill's loopy mother was hiding cash in a can labeled "peas" in the kitchen cupboard.)

Your experience has proved that your wife's father is in denial about his wife being hopped up. You've made no headway in opening his eyes (and have been called a liar for your trouble), so if there are no pills to steal, there will be no issue to fight about.

This is a mechanistic solution, to be sure, but it will suffice. — Margo, pragmatically

When a Legality Is Not a Formality

Dear Margo: I'm stuck. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and have two daughters. Our first daughter was an accident after we were only dating for a few months. I told him that I was pregnant and he was excited, wanted a family, etc. That was the last time I saw him until our daughter was 3 weeks old.

I ran into a mutual friend who told my boyfriend about us, and we reconnected. At that time, he told me he would do anything and everything for me as well as for our daughter. Since then, we haven't left each other's side (obviously, because our daughter now has a sister).

When I was pregnant the first time, while we were separated, he married his ex-girlfriend. He is still married just because we can't afford the divorce right now. His wife wants the divorce as well (so she says), but when he tried to meet with her to sign the papers, it was a constant runaround.

She is very polite and doesn't cause any problems for us. They both agree they never should have married in the first place. If he were already divorced, we would probably be married.

My question is, if we do get married, and he is still married, how would we get caught? Do they check if you're married when you file for the license? What is the "punishment" if we are caught — jail time? Fines? I don't necessarily think that we would do this, but I am curious. — Stuck

Dear Stuck: I am happy this is an idle question, because you do not knowingly want to commit bigamy. As I have said before, there are more consequences than just two mothers-in-law. An educated guess would be that, to get a marriage license, city hall would check to see if people are free to marry.

Marriage is generally a creature of state law, and bigamy is a criminal offense with penalties varying from state to state. (Some define it as a misdemeanor; others make it a felony.) If you are madly curious, go to this website: http://fightbigamy.typepad.com/ for a state-by-state breakdown of bigamy laws. — Margo, informationally

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.