Dear Margo: I have been dating a wonderful man long distance for several months now. Right about the time we started dating, he moved into an apartment with a new roommate — a young female member of his extended group of friends.

"Laura" has a promiscuous reputation. I trust my boyfriend completely, but Laura seems to have a big problem with boundaries and knowing what is appropriate behavior with other women's boyfriends. She has been unfriendly to me and pouts when I am in town because my boyfriend is not available for her to talk to.

In February, she asked me what our plans were for Valentine's Day, and when I told her about the dinner reservations he had, Laura informed me she had also been to that restaurant with my boyfriend. When I asked him about this, he explained that friends had stayed with them during a power outage and took him and Laura out to dinner to thank them. (Laura, of course, failed to mention these details.)

The last time I was out with my boyfriend and his friends, one of the friends and his girlfriend left immediately after arriving when they discovered Laura was there. It turns out that shortly after this couple started dating, Laura slept with the guy, which we all learned when Laura announced it to the table.

I have asked my boyfriend to ask her to move out. He can afford an apartment without a roommate, but he doesn't want to be rude to Laura. I don't want to make him choose, but that is exactly how I feel. — Rattled

Dear Rat: Laura doesn't have trouble with boundaries; she just chooses to ignore them. You clearly have enough ammunition to tell your bf that Laura's living arrangements are not conducive to the health of your romance.

Tell him being "rude" to Laura is nothing compared to the mischief she has already caused and would probably like to cause again. My guess is if you assert yourself, you will prevail. — Margo, firmly

Decisions, Decisions

Dear Margo: Help! I am a 31-year-old married mother of three wonderful kids, ages 13, 10 and 7. I have a great husband whom I am deeply in love with. We have been married for 11 years. He's a wonderful provider, and he works while I go to school full time.

Our marriage is great; we are best friends. My only problem with the marriage is that we do not have enough sex. It's maybe three or four times a month. It is killing me. I have talked and talked to him about it, but he still thinks we have no problem. I can tell he is no longer sexually attracted to me.

On the other hand, I have this man in my life with whom I have been having an affair for 16 years. He has been with me through thick and thin. When I got pregnant at 17, he did a marvelous job of being a father figure for my daughter, even though he was not her father.

Our relationship is strong in every way. We date and get together as often as we can. He is married and has offered to leave his wife. He says he loves me, and I care for him also. I just want to know if having a fully satisfying sex life is as important as a good marriage. I could live the rest of my life content with both of them. — Wife With Two Husbands

Dear Wife: It really does sound as if you have two husbands — and your affair has gone on longer than your marriage. It's possible your husband may be onto this, uh, situation, which might explain why he is not so responsive to you.

As a general answer, I would say a good marriage is more important than a satisfying sex life, but the two often go together. I will undoubtedly catch hell for this, but if you can successfully continue to juggle your two lives, you would not be the first, so I'm gonna take the coward's way out and let you decide this on your own. — Margo, neutrally

***

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.