Dear Margo: Here's a weird one for you. I have been keeping company with a man for nearly 12 years. That's not the weird part. OK, so maybe it is, but it's not the problem.

We do not live together, but have been exclusive for a long time. He let me know many years ago that he is fascinated with women's underthings. I was intrigued at first, and we had lots of fun dressing up and doing a little role-playing.

It progressed from lingerie to full drag, but only at home and only a few times. It seemed to relax him and bring out his sensual side. He was much more loving, and I enjoyed that part. If the room was dark, I didn't care what he was wearing.

He has finally announced he's tired of fighting it, it's who he is, and he wants to take pills to change his body to a more feminine one, as much as is possible without surgery. He is not doing this under a doctor's care; he merely buys supplements over the Internet and is constantly on the lookout for more.

I have a problem with him taking who knows what when he already has a heart condition and diabetes. He is 58. I am getting increasingly annoyed by his obsession with this. It's all he wants to talk about. He is/was such a masculine, sexy man.

I know cross-dressing is nothing new, but the body-changing thing has me upset and confused. What can these pills do to him? I have no idea what is in them. The ingredients are vague, at best. ("Pure mammary"? What is that?!)

If I break up with him, how do I explain it to those who know we've been together for so long? — Flummoxed and Anguished

Dear Flum: My dear, so many problems and so little space.

First, I am not a fan of "herbal" or "natural" anything. You are absolutely right about not knowing the pharmacological composition ... particularly in concert with his diabetes and heart meds. The drug docs don't even know.

Second, your, um, friend needs to talk about this with his regular doctor, as well as a therapist. It's one thing to try to change your gender, but not by yourself and not on the Internet.

Should you decide the relationship is no longer viable, it is enough to tell friends that it is over. No need to mention the frillies. — Margo, empathetically

The Leader in Lame Excuses

Dear Margo: My nephew claims that the new protocol for sending thank-you notes for a gift is now a year. I said that was a crock. He was married in September of last year, and I have yet to get a thank-you card. So what is the "protocol" for sending thank-you notes? — Baffled Aunt Kathy

Dear Baff: In addition to being tardy, your nephew is mistaken. The old etiquette decreed that you had a year to acknowledge a gift. Emily Post, most likely his source, was first published in 1922. Tell the kid that was 91 years ago, when she also said calling cards were de rigueur, chaperones were a must for proper young ladies and certain rules had to be followed for afternoon tea with dancing.

You might ask your nephew whether he would have liked to wait a year for friends and family to send wedding gifts. I think people who excuse their procrastination and sloth with antiquated etiquette are clods. — Margo, logically

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. To learn more about Margo Howard or to read features by other writers, visit creators.com.