Dear Margo: I have gone through the worst event of my entire life. Just when I believed everything was fine, I find out my supposed husband is still married to his first wife. A mutual friend mentioned her, but my husband never did.

I did all the necessary research before we got married, and none of this information ever came up. I checked today at the courthouse where he and his (first) wife were married. The records show there is a marriage recorded. Something told me to double check for a record of divorce. To my horror, nothing was on file.

When I asked my "husband" about all this, he said he applied for the divorce in 2003 in another county in our state. I did more research (a little late, huh?) and found he was telling the truth about filing. It wasn't finalized, however, and he thought otherwise . . . maybe.

A further problem for me is that on our marriage certificate he wrote "first marriage." I think he did that because he knew, deep down, he was still married and that the state would ask for proof of dissolution — which, of course, he couldn't provide.

His excuse? "I just really wanted to marry you real bad." Something deep in my gut believes him, and I'm wondering whether to stick it out. — Stupid and Confused

Dear Stu: Because you are considering whether or not to stay in your "marriage," your supposed husband is finding out that the price of bigamy is worse than two mothers-in-law.

If intentions count for anything, I would look on the positive side. This man wanted and applied for a divorce. He was, shall we say, a little casual about the paperwork. If the relationship has felt like a marriage, and a happy one, I would stay with him and see to it that he finalizes the divorce. Then I would get married legally.

Let us hope the other lady has no interest in lousing up his life. It is, after all, against the law to be a bigamist, even if his rationale sounds like an Elvis song. — Margo, hopefully

A Father-Daughter Tug of War

Dear Margo: My 19-year-old daughter is currently living with a 19-year-old man and his parents. She is talking about how they plan on getting married sooner or later, and the conversations seem to indicate it will be sooner.

The problem I have, as her father, is that this man is about the most unworthy, skanky, disrespectful dirt bag I've ever come in contact with. I so disapprove of this relationship — and she knows it — although we both try not to discuss it.

My dilemma? If she has a wedding, she's going to expect me to pay for it, and she's going to want me to walk her down the aisle. Both those thoughts are abhorrent to me. I love my daughter dearly and we get along well, but I don't approve of this relationship and don't want to appear as if I approve of her marriage, either.

What do you suggest I do? — Struggling Father

Dear Strug: Because of your reservations, tell her you find her too young to marry, but if they're still together two years from now, then your conscience will allow you to put on a wedding. (If he's really the louse you say he is, they won't make it for two more years.)

I do know, as someone who (the first time) went against her parents' wishes, that there is no telling a daughter that the guy she has chosen to marry is a skunk. Should they stay together for the next two years (21 is a logical, though arbitrary, age), then hold your nose and put on the wedding.

Good luck. And try to say as little as possible about the jerk. She already knows how you feel. — Margo, rebelliously

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.