Dear Margo: I am soon to be a mother-in-law. I love my son, but I think I have gotten off to a bad start with my future daughter-in-law.

After a weekend visit from them, I spoke to my son about a few things I had noticed. My son's fiancee seemed to be jealous of any time our son spent away from her, and she often behaved inconsiderately toward him during the visit. She said unkind things to him, and actually bit and pinched him when he tried to have a conversation with us.

When I mentioned my concerns he became upset with me, and then he told her what I said. I am very unhappy I got off on the wrong foot with her. What can I do to make it better? — Mean Mother-in-Law

Dear Mean: I hope you will stop beating yourself up about this. You were in no way petty or picking on unimportant things . . . like table manners, for instance, or little mannerisms.

This girl did not treat your son with love or consideration, and moreover, she resented any attentions to anyone but her. You were in no way out of line in mentioning your alarm at her behavior to your son — and I am curious as to why he thinks her conduct is acceptable. (And being engaged is supposed to be the lovey-dovey stage!)

As for the biting and pinching, this girl sounds like she is part marmoset. I have never heard of such a thing in anyone over the age of 6. You did absolutely the right thing to voice your uneasiness about this girl, who, to tell you the truth, sounds like she has a personality disorder.

If your son cannot hear you, so be it. He will either be henpecked or divorced. — Margo, resignedly

Dear Margo: I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome. The numerous symptoms (which mimic lupus and MS) are debilitating, and I was forced to quit my job two years ago.

Unfortunately, having an illness lets you see the true character of the people in your life. Though aware of the diagnosis, many assume that there is nothing really wrong with me. If I manage to make it to a gathering and look fine, this just reinforces suspicions. You live with a chronic illness because there isn't an alternative. You learn to smile when exhausted or in pain.

It seems my lack of a job makes people uncomfortable, though socially I speak of my many interests, as I've always done. (Because who wants to talk about real estate law?) Knowing there is "talk" among our "friends," I have become more and more withdrawn.

Through all of this, along with my father and sister, my husband has stood by me and cared for me. Unfortunately, though I've always considered him to be a strong person, he is becoming compromised by what others think. He's begun socializing with new people (his company merged) after work just a few blocks from our apartment. He shares all the details with me but has never invited me along.

When he conspicuously did not invite me to a big office party, I finally asked, and he admitted that it's awkward because I'm not working and he is "embarrassed." Now I feel alone. — Lost in Yonkers

Dear Lost: There is something wrong with this story. Being embarrassed by a nonworking wife is nuts, and possibly a red herring. (Some people think ladies of leisure are actually quite lucky.) Your husband needs to get his head screwed on straight, if this is, in fact, his problem.

I would make it plain to him that he is hurting your feelings, and really about a nonissue. If he doesn't revert to the supportive husband he was, then you've got a problem. — Margo, ambiguously

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.