Dear Margo: I'm a 23-year-old mother of two boys. One night at about 7, I remembered I had to feed my parents' cat while they were away. I told my husband I'd be back in a little while and didn't even bother to put on a coat. I drove to my parents' house, went inside and was accosted by three burglars — teens would be my guess. They bound me with cords, gagged me with a kitchen towel and dragged me into a closet. When I heard them leave, I began trying to get free, but the knots were way too tight. I'm athletic and in great physical shape, but I could not wriggle loose.

The closet was small and dark, and I couldn't stand, so I sat there hoping my husband wouldn't be too long wondering where I was. (We live less than five minutes from my parents' house.) I sat there tied up for over three miserable hours! By the time my husband came and found me, shaking, I was angrier with him than with the little thugs who bound me. He said he was busy working and didn't realize how much time had passed. That was a week ago. He's apologized and brought me flowers and presents every day. I've forgiven him, but we've hardly spoken. Fact is, I'm feeling increasingly embarrassed about having been tied up and am now more upset with my own ineptitude than my husband's failing. I want everything to get back to normal, but I can't seem to come out of this funk. How do I snap out of this? — Still Feeling Bound and Gagged

Dear Still: It is crazy to blame yourself for being tied up, and ineptitude in no way had to do with your being unable to loosen knots that were too well tied. Blaming yourself may be a way to avoid staying angry with your husband. And do not minimize the likelihood that the funk you are in is a product of being traumatized by what happened. The objects of your anger should properly be the punks who were trying to rob your parents' house. You might feel better if you talked to someone in law enforcement or a person who counsels crime victims — someone who would know what you went through. It will probably sound nuts to you now, but I think down the line you will laugh about your spouse becoming so engrossed in what he was doing that he failed to note your absence for three hours. — Margo, restoratively

He's Not Wild About Harry

Dear Margo: I have a 30-year-old friend, "Harry," whom I've been close to since we were in high school. Lately, my feelings about Harry have changed. He is oftentimes rude to other people and blames them for situations that his own behavior brings on. I dislike getting together with him because it always has to be at his place, which is dirty and smelly. (Harry is uncomfortable with meeting elsewhere.)

Margo, Harry certainly does have some good traits, but lately I find it almost impossible to relate to him. He refuses to hold a full-time job because he wants to be a rock star, and that's all he talks about. I really do care about him, but I'm tired of his immaturity about his life and living situation, and I haven't figured out how to deal with my feelings or our friendship. Any suggestions? — Needing an Out

Dear Need: There is definitely something wrong with Harry, and it sounds like an unfortunate combination of immaturity, agoraphobia and emotional difficulties. A 30-year-old rock-star-wannabe who alienates others with his rudeness and prefers to stay home in conditions you describe as dirty and smelly needs professional help. I am unaware of any law that says you must maintain a friendship that makes you uncomfortable. Do, however, tell him you are feeling the need to make yourself scarce because the relationship is no longer what it was. Then suggest he seek professional help. — Margo, retreatingly

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.