Q: My wife has always nagged me about my smoking. I picked up the habit in my 20s and never tried to kick it.
Now that I've retired, we're spending more time together. I am no longer at the office for the majority of the day, and she sees me go outside to smoke several times a day. Every time I return from smoking, she lets me know how much it upsets her.
I make sure not to smoke around her, so she can't complain about it ruining the house or secondhand smoke. I figure that I've worked hard enough for my career, and I view retirement as my time to kick back and relax.
How can I get my wife to back off? My habit has nothing to do with her.
A: Although you take care not to expose your wife to your smoking directly, you do not act in a vacuum. The choices that we make affect the people we hold close to us.
Put yourself in your wife's shoes and think about why she is so upset. What does she say to you when she complains about your smoking?
A major concern with smoking is how it harms your lungs, and nothing you do will change that fact. Knowing that you aren't taking care of your health, your wife doesn't know how long she can expect you to stick around. Nobody wants to have to bury his or her spouse prematurely.
In marriage and in life, stability is key for relationships. Taking care of yourself will take a huge burden of stress off her shoulders. These deep worries wear us down over time.
Does she have any habits that concern you? This may be a chance to recalibrate and work through your negative behaviors together.
After retirement, many married couples have to renegotiate their relationships. The void of the determined schedule of the workday makes us rethink many of our choices.
Retirement gives you time for self-improvement! — Doug
DECLUTTERING YOUR HOME
Q: I have a lot of clutter around my house but can't seem to get rid of it all. My family members have tried to help clear me out multiple times, but the cleaning never seems to stick.
A friend came over this week to visit and tripped over a box on the floor. Luckily, he didn't hurt anything seriously, but he was worried about breaking a bone. Later, he told me that he can't come over anymore because of how cluttered my house is. I don't seem to have any problem getting around, though.
Should this be a reality check?
A: Yes. You need to clean up your home because your clutter will end up hurting someone and is already creating friction between you and your visitors.
Seniors have more fragile bones, and a fall can end up being very serious. On the other hand, seniors also lose their ability to balance, which makes a fall more likely.
The best solution is to avoid all of the tripping hazards that we can. Having narrow walkways in your home is one such problem.
You have people willing to help you clear up your home, but you need to cooperate with them. Ask them for their help to get a new start, but don't make it into a Sisyphean task for them.
Change your habits.
Don't mindlessly place clutter on the floor. Rethink your home organization, and keep everything in its proper place. If you don't have space in or on your furniture for something, you need to find a space or get rid of it.
Commit yourself to keeping an organized home — the floor is not a storage area! — Emma, Doug's granddaughter
Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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