Q: My wife's mother has always been one of those super mothers. She has loved and cared for her family. She was widowed seven years ago and continues to live in her large family home.

We take turns visiting her every day to make certain she is feeling well, to change her bedding, tidy up the house, feed her kitty, and just to talk.

However, we realize that coping with her home, paying bills, preparing meals, and taking care of overall maintenance is becoming more challenging for her.

How can we become prepared to take care of her?

A: What will be affordable if she needs full time care? Will that be based on hiring full time live-ins or looking into a nursing home? Most options are expensive and can easily cost up to $10,00 a month depending on your state and location. The majority of individuals do not have retirement funds, insurance or governmental assistant available. Medicare pays less than most recipients realize.

The quality of care is your top priority.

Who monitors the caregivers? Begin your research to avoid making last minute decisions.

A few nursing homes now permit video monitoring of patients, but many legal issues are under discussion. Regardless of your decision for in-home care or that of an institution, your mother will be happier if you are able to able to develop a personal relationship with the regular caretakers. This will be helpful in regard to staying in touch with how your mother is adjusting to her new environment, and if adjustments can be made if necessary. Maintain a positive attitude.

Finding a rest home that is affordable, workable and responsive to the patient's needs is a challenge. Every day is a new and unknown day in which families participate. Your goal is to maintain their well-being as well as you can, as well as to foster and maintain a positive attitude!

Caretaking is one of the hardest jobs ever; paying back for your care is your reward!

HAPPY HOLIDAY SHOPPERS!

Q: Am l the only one finding holiday shopping frustrating? As a senior, I have found shopping in November and December to be more difficult than ever. Other shoppers are often so intent on talking on their cell phones and discussing prices, sizes, colors, etc. that they are sometimes not even aware that I am there too! All of this grabbing and reaching over others for gifts throws me off balance. I enjoy shopping; what are my options? Many seniors do not buy by mail, computers, or now go to the mall. Many are shopping early to avoid the seasonal crowds; one couple I know finishes their shopping by July!

A: Because we are unaware of what family and friends would prefer to receive, recipients are pleased to make their own choices — sometimes after-holiday sales are the best bargains!

To purchase a specific gift, ask family and friends early in the year what they would enjoy on their wish list for holidays and birthdays. Also ask the retailers what their return policies are and keep the receipts available for any returns!

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Betty is a friend of Doug Mayberry, whom she helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.