Old Hurts

By Doug Mayberry

July 15, 2019 4 min read

Q: My brother and I got into a horrible argument over a decade ago and haven't spoken since. He did something that I couldn't find it in myself to forgive, especially after a lifetime of similar behavior.

After quitting drinking, my brother has been trying to get in contact with me over the last few months to apologize. I don't see the point, as the damage is already done.

Other family members have kept me in the loop about his life and are pushing me to hear him out, but I don't really have any desire to speak to him. It sounds to me like he's just trying to blame his issues on his addiction anyway.

Should I take the call?

A: Give your brother the opportunity to apologize — for your own good.

Forgiveness is a state that affects the forgiver more than the person forgiven. Even when we have good reasons to be upset, resentment and anger are toxic — especially when left to fester.

According to the Mayo Clinic, forgiveness often yields healthier overall relationships, improves mental health, reduces anxiety, bolsters self-esteem and decreases your likelihood of depression. In addition to the psychological benefits, it also says that forgiveness can strengthen your immune system, lower your blood pressure and improve your heart health.

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting, and it doesn't have to mean leaving yourself open to being hurt again. Listening to others' apologies gives us a greater ability to empathize and understand why people make the choices they do.

Hearing your brother out doesn't mean that you have to reconcile. You still have the power to choose your relationships and maintain the ones that are good for you.

Even if you don't feel ready to talk to your brother, you can still work on forgiveness in your life. Trying to understand others' choices allows us to understand ourselves better, too. Everybody makes mistakes, and the worst of these hurts don't fade with time alone.

A good exercise for healthier relationships is to do self-discovery and work on ourselves. Is there anyone you should apologize to? — Emma, Doug's granddaughter


Q: After recovering from a heart attack three years ago, I've been taking much better care of myself. I improved my diet and lost a bunch of weight.

Even though I feel much healthier than ever before, I still think I could do better. I look around at other people my age, and they seem much more vital than I am.

What is one habit that will impact my health the most?

A: One of the most impactful things you can do is simple: start walking more!

You may think that you are active enough — but you can do more. Even an extra walk a day can increase your life expectancy and improve your health.

Walking has been shown to decrease the risks of heart disease, diabetes, and even breast and colon cancer. It also decreases anxiety and improves your overall mood.

Many seniors like using their smartphone or a fitness device to count the number of steps they take every day. By tracking these numbers, we're able to measure our activity and feel accomplished.

Walking is great for the body because it improves your cardiovascular health and is low impact (so easier on your joints!).

Get out there and move. — Doug

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected] Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: jarmoluk at Pixabay

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