Q: Two of our three adult grandchildren are successful, healthy and happy. Our third granddaughter, who is 26, is unmarried and continues to live at home. She does not contribute much to help her parents or compensate them for room and board. She dates occasionally, does not have a job and does not pursue getting one. Life is comfortable and good, she says. We often consider becoming involved but fear doing so would split our family.

However, we know that for her own benefit it is already past time to make a decision and look forward to a better future for herself. She is too old to spank! How can we encourage her?

A: Today, grandparents, including myself, sometimes find it difficuilt to understand our grandchildren's lack of motivation and failure to accept responsibility.

In our early years we were sheltered, taken care of until 17 or l8 then chose our paths ourselves. Sometimes it became plain hard work — deciding whether to go back to school, choosing a mate, deciding between traveling or focusing on a career or starting a family.

Today, reality is different. Families, by necessity, face and are required to accept new and different challenges, such as the lack of employment opportunities — the job market is competitive, and positions today require new skills, expensive training and technological savvy.

The world is more fast-paced, and young people must make rapid career and life decisions. They will have to work hard to balance their lives, find loving and caring partners and maintain positive lifestyles. They must be patient, understanding and compromising. It's difficult to afford the cost of raising a family unless both parents work and inflation is always on the rise.

It's possible your granddaughter is feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps you could help her learn how to juggle these factors. A family conference could prove to be a winning solution!

WHO PAYS FOR MARRIAGE?

Q: I had been widowed for over three years and was lonely. I became charmed by a widower who both my sister and I had known since childhood. Although she warned me not to marry him, I did. We have been married for nearly two years. I have learned the hard way my husband is a big-time spender, and he is spending my inheritance as fast as he can.

He has excellent taste and only buys the most expensive golf equipment. I inherited a good amount of money. It is dwindling rapidly.

Foreseeing what lies ahead, we could easily be forced into bankruptcy within the next few years. What are my options?

A: You have reached a mandatory decision-making time. If you love and care for your husband, and if you choose to remain together, make an appointment for you both with a knowledgeable financial counselor for reviewing, planning, goal-setting and advice.

Discuss your situation and determine if your husband is willing to accept this advice and maintain his commitment. Is he willing to do so? Whatever he says and does in response will tell you whether or not you should remain married.

Whatever the case, so be it!

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Betty is a friend of Doug Mayberry, whom she helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.