Q: My wife and I have been happily married nearly 43 years. The last two have become more challenging and difficult. We tend to disagree on how to manage our money and care for our health, and we express differences of opinion about how our adult children are raising our grandchildren, etc. I know I am feeling sorry for myself and not easy to live with.

What am I doing wrong?

A: Nothing. I suspect a major cause may be you have shut down communication with your loving wife, and she may actually be unaware of your unhappiness. Health becomes a major concern. We may be lonelier, and fear for the future for ourselves, family and especially our grandchildren. Daily coping can become a major concern, and often we do not share and express our needs to our mate.

Revisit those 43 years; pull out the photo albums as a reminder of your love and happiness. Punch a mythical button that turns the focus toward being thankful and more positive.

Make an appointment with your wife to engage in a 30-minute, flat-out honest discussion of your unhappiness. Then, each of you writes a list of the 10 reasons you have loved, cared for and are thankful for your lives together. Now, it's time for a big hug and kiss. Hopefully, this will remind you of your good fortune. Focus on a positive future and be effective in helping to bring your marriage commitment back in perspective.

I suspect that now you need each other more than ever!

Minimize your exposure to negative media, share daily walks (as they are rejuvenating), volunteer for making the world a better place and maintain a social contact. People need people! Improving your communication could be the winning attitude!

WHO PASSED YESTERDAY?

Q: Since his retirement, my husband has become a daily reader of obituaries in our newspaper. I asked why he is doing this and he says that he finds them interesting. Why do newspapers bother to publish them?

A: Because obituary readers want to hear others' stories and are loyal subscribers who bring in revenue for newspapers. Obituaries pique some readers' curiosity. Perhaps they peruse them while enjoying a morning coffee — staying connected to individuals they knew, learning how others lived their lives. The details also offer readers the opportunity to compare the stories with their own.

Obituary notices began to be published in the 16th century. By the mid-1900s obituaries were a regular feature in newspapers. Individuals and morticians were allowed to submit details.

Readers also learn more about the meaning of life. Every individual has a unique story to be told. These notices provide closure to many. Obituaries express an optimistic outlook and point of view, which has been proven to increase lifespan.

They also provide a sense of relationships and memories, and offer closure to lost relationships.

Also, if you have access to the Internet, ObitsDaily is an excellent Web page for discovering and learning more about your ancestry!

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Betty is a friend of Doug Mayberry, whom she helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.