Q: My No. 1 frustration with aging is how forgetful I seem to be. What's especially irritating is that I can remember the smallest details about the night I met my husband, but I found myself forgetting my best friend's name yesterday.
Is there a reasonable explanation for these gaps?
A: Our brain records everything we do. The problems come with how we store these memories and which "file" are they in.
Logically, it makes sense that important information would be stored so that we can easily access it. As I'm sure you've found, that isn't always the case.
The brain is an area of interest for many researchers, but what they've found is far from conclusive. Our brains are so complex that it will take a long time for us to fully understand it.
Nutrition, vitamins and exercise are only some considerations that affect our memory, and we can do our best to control for them. But every individual's brain works just a little differently than others.
Although our brains are largely a mystery, look at the factors that affect your cognition. This may help you mitigate some of your problems. But remember — everybody experiences temporary memory gaps, no matter what age!
More things that help with memory are repetition, reinforcement and routine. With a happy event, such as meeting your husband, you have remembered that event enough times to strengthen the neural pathways in your brain.
To ensure you remember your important responsibilities, such as picking up medication or buying dog food, get in the habit of writing down a list. It's always good to have a physical backup.
When you can't find your words, be forgiving of yourself. Stressing yourself out about your shortcomings only magnifies them. — Doug
KEEPING MUM
Q: I'm aware that I have a serious problem of not being able to keep my mouth shut. I always share my opinion and realize only later that it wasn't wanted.
Over the years, this habit has lost me a few friends and strained many more relationships. Even when I apologize, it doesn't fix the damage. But I can't seem to stop myself. What can I do?
A: While you might be comfortable with personal criticism, you can't expect everybody to be the same way. Our attitudes toward this sort of candidness are formed early in life and are unlikely to change.
However, opinions are not the same as behavior. As you've recognized, not everyone feels the same way as you, and you will be more successful if you consider how others will receive your words.
It's impossible to take back something once it's said. Has anybody ever said something to you in the heat of the moment and later apologized for it? Even once the fight is over, what they said sticks with us.
So before sharing your personal opinions, take a deep breath and give yourself a few seconds to think it over. Consider how your words will be taken by the person you're speaking with.
Remember that not all criticism is constructive. Positivity will make you more friends, so feel free to share compliments.
While you're working on this habit, ask people close to you to help out. They can remind you when you slip up. Being reminded of your shortcomings may also make you empathize with others. — Emma, Doug's granddaughter
Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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