Q: After my wife died, I started dating a friend of ours. We married two years later, and both of our families accepted our relationship. My wife has developed serious medical problems, and her doctor's prognosis is that she only has a few months left.

My wife was much more well off than I was when we married, but she insisted that she wanted our combined assets to be distributed equally between both of our families once we are gone. We signed the legal documents based on her wishes but chose not to reveal our decision to any of our family members.

Now that my wife is ill, her children have been trying to help us organize her affairs. One question they've raised is about the details of how their mother's estate will be divided and distributed. I'm afraid that our decision will cause discord.

Is now the time to reveal our estate plans?

A: As you've signed legal documents, it's a done deal. Your families will find this information out eventually, and it looks like that time is coming soon.

As you suspected, her family is likely to be unhappy about her decision. Your only consideration is whether you want the family quarrel to begin now or after your wife is gone.

If you reveal the will details now, your wife's children will probably try and put pressure on her to change her mind. Is your wife up to facing this issue given her declining health?

If you choose to withhold this and her children press you for information, simply explain that you and their mother have already planned and signed your estate documents. The details will be handled by your lawyer at the appropriate time.

They are unlikely to be pleased with this response and will probably feel that her decision is not what they hoped for. However, the two of you already have a lot on your plate. You should tell them that.

Hopefully, this will at least postpone any future family war until after their mother is gone. Be strong. As your wife's caretaker, you have enough responsibilities to deal with already. — Doug

GET IN COMMUNICATION!

Q: As grandparents, we feel that we are falling out of our family members' lives. We chose to retire in Florida and are happy in the sun, but we had to leave our loved ones back in Ohio. The occasional letters don't seem to be enough.

There are ways to keep in touch, but we feel out of the loop technologically. How can we keep up?

A: We are lucky to have many more options for communication than past generations did, but the steady stream of new technology can be overwhelming. You may prefer letter writing, but fewer and fewer people write letters.

Keep it simple, and stick to one or two methods that work for you. People are always on their phones, and there are many simplified phones marketed at seniors. If your hearing doesn't allow you to talk easily over the phone, you can try emailing with your family instead.

If you feel like getting fancy, ask someone for help setting up another method (like video chat). But first make sure that your family members use it! Communication only works if both parties are engaged. Ask them what they use, and whether they can help you set up and use it, too.

For regular communication, you will likely have to accommodate your family members' habits. But it can't hurt to nudge them and remind them about how much you appreciate the occasional piece of mail! — Emma, Doug's granddaughter

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.