Q: My wife and I have been married for 31 years and were finally able to retire last year. We looked for a long time to find the ideal retirement community and finally settled on one. We sold our home, packed up all of our possessions and moved in. Time to relax!
Six months later, my wife isn't happy with our new home, but I like it. What can I do to turn it around?
A: Give it a little time. We often aren't sure of our decisions in the short term, and it can take a while to get settled.
Settling somewhere new always involves some discomfort and acclimation. Retiring and moving within a short span isn't easy. You seem to be one of the lucky ones. Comfort takes time.
Luckily, most of the time, we learn to accept our new lifestyle. Think about the phrase "you can't go home again." Your old home isn't the same as you remember, and your lifestyle has changed completely. Some of your wife's discomfort has most likely been caused by the change in routine of retirement. Moving back wouldn't address that.
Now that you're spending more time at home and together, you need to readjust your communication methods. Ask your wife about specific reasons she's unhappy, and try to work on them. Some common problems are loneliness, missing family and friends, and getting to know the local businesses and people. Additionally, one or two of her frustrations may even be your fault!
Another problem with retirement is all the new free time. Encourage your wife to participate in your community. Seek out activities that you can share together and do separately. Get to know the neighbors, and pick their brains about the area. Start a new hobby.
Happiness is all about attitude. Appreciate the world around you, and stay positive; positivity is infectious.
After trying to get used to your new life, check in with her in a couple of months. If she is still unhappy, you may need to make some other changes. — Doug
GIVING SON ADVICE ABOUT MARRIED LIFE
Q: When we married in our 20s, my husband and I had big dreams and plans for the future. Thirty years later, we've only done a couple of them. Our son recently got engaged and wants to know what our most important priorities were when we were getting married. I don't know how to explain my perspective about this. How can I answer him?
A: Real life is about stages. As we age, our thoughts change because we're forced to reconsider our decisions. It's normal before marriage to think long term rather than short term.
Explain that as life changes, so will their beliefs and wants. We all deal with curveballs in life, so recommend compromise as a vital part of establishing a happy, successful relationship.
People are always changing, and your son and his fiancee will be completely different people in 20 years. Our experiences shape us, and married life will be a whole new stage for him.
Tell them to teach each other how to deal with life's changes and how to accept them with positivity. When possible, expect the unexpected!
Talk to your son honestly about your own experiences. Don't just tell him what you think he'd like to hear. Flexibility is essential, and changing directions can be a positive thing.
Finally, you can share some of your treasured memories that you never would have imagined in your 20s. Your son has a lot to look forward to. — Emma, Doug's granddaughter
Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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