Q: After many years of being alone after my husband passed, I am considering marrying a wonderful man who I met through a mutual friend.
Although he is a very trustworthy and lovely man, he is a recovering alcoholic of 22 years. He made many mistakes in his youth but has worked on them for a long time.
I have a modest estate, which isn't too much, but I would like to preserve it for my children from my first marriage. Because of my potential husband's past issues with addiction, I am concerned that a future relapse could jeopardize my children's inheritance.
An idea I've talked over with an attorney is to create a prenuptial agreement, which would list a return to drinking as immediate grounds for divorce.
Although I think signing a contract would protect my children's interests, I don't know if asking him would endanger our relationship.
What do you think is the best solution?
A: Ask yourself what your definition of marriage is. Although we tend to think that we all have the same definition of common cultural institutions, different people often have vastly different ideas.
Once you know what you're looking for in a marriage, you can find out if your needs match those of your partner. He may be very understanding and accommodating of your needs if he understands where you're coming from and how important your children are to you.
If he is on a different page, a legal discussion may break your relationship.
Many senior couples can be just as happy in a committed relationship without marrying. What is your motivation for taking the next step?
Ultimately, opening yourself up to a new relationship means opening yourself up to some risk. Entering into a legal contract like marriage solidifies these potential vulnerabilities.
Trust is essential in all committed relationships. If you don't trust your future partner, you may be setting yourself up for failure (even if he never does anything to damage your trust).
While there are ways to protect yourself from some foreseeable risks, there's always the possibility of things not going as you expect. It's up to you to decide whether the relationship is worth it. — Doug
DOCTOR AVOIDANCE
Q: I hate going to the doctor, always have, always will.
Now that I've been having some heart issues, my family is getting on me about getting more regular checkups. Even though I know it's a good idea, I dread the idea of going. Whenever I go, I always feel like I have a lot of information thrown at me and I can't keep up.
Do you have any ideas to help me overcome my avoidance?
A: Invite a trusted friend or family member along, and make plans for a nice day together. Making this unpleasant task more enjoyable will relieve you of some of the dread you've learned to associate with it. Plan lunch, a nice walk or some shopping near your doctor's office.
Having someone come with you into the doctor's office may also help you deal with the deluge of information. The person can help you write down or remember important details or advice.
Instead of fearing the doctor, find ways to integrate the experience into your life. — Emma, Doug's granddaughter
Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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