Q: I moved to a retirement community seven months ago, excited for the opportunity to make new friendships in my new leisurely life.
Unfortunately, I haven't made any strong connections with my neighbors or any other residents. I'm on good terms with many of them, but I can't call any of them a friend. I've had the same basic conversations several times, and I haven't gotten any deeper.
I expected it to take some time to make new friends, but waiting too long will make it even harder to break the ice.
Am I doing it wrong?
A: Creating new bonds takes time, especially if you're coming into a tightknit community as a stranger. However, the surest way to make something happen is to make an effort.
Put yourself out there, and make your intentions clear. Invite a neighbor over for a cup of coffee, or find an event involving a shared interest.
Avoid being too passive. Attend many events for the opportunity to meet strangers.
Friendships after retirement are often very different from those earlier in life. We have more free time to ourselves but also less mandatory interaction. The more time you spend with people, the more likely you are to make connections.
Choosing to move to a social environment is a positive step because many people there are looking for the same things as you. Take advantage of your new opportunities.
Instead of expecting others to make all the effort and approach you, put in the time and do it yourself.
When meeting new people, ask questions — almost everybody loves to talk about themselves. Listen to what they have to say, and find commonalities. Some conversation topics can cause tension (the usual suspects — sex, politics, religion), so you may want to tread carefully around those topics initially.
Always remember to keep a positive attitude! If people enjoy your company, they will seek it out. — Doug
PAYMENT CALENDAR
Q: I've been having a recurring problem with paying my bills on time. I used to rely on my wife to take care of them, but after we divorced I started to take care of them myself.
I'm not as good at keeping up with bills as I used to be, but one bill in particular has been causing the most irritation. The company prefers to provide many of its services online, and I am frequently confused about how much I owe them and when the payments are due.
I often only find out that I've missed a payment once I get a late notice (and a fee!).
How can I avoid all this irritation?
A: Switch from being reactive to proactive. Don't wait for the due date to arrive. Plan for it.
Consider keeping a monthly calendar. Sit down to fill in all future due dates for the year, and remember to check it regularly. Having the March calendar on the wall won't be helpful in August.
When you see an upcoming date, find out how much is due as early as possible. If you receive a physical copy of your bills in the mail, organize your letters, and read them in a timely fashion.
When you encounter issues with online functionality, communicating with an actual person is often the quickest way to solve your problem. Going into a physical store is also an option.
Dealing with customer service representatives can be frustrating, especially if you don't have all of your information on hand. As many seniors have found, cajoling a family member into helping you is often the most effective solution. If you do so, remember to say thank you.
Lastly, autopay may be a good option for you. Taking the effort to set it up now will help you avoid future aggravation! — Emma, Doug's granddaughter
Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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