Q: My dad lost our mother a little over 18 months ago. He lives in the same retirement complex and is lucky to have many friends around him.
Since Mom's death, he started dating a friend, and he is thinking about marrying her. My sister and I want him to be as happy as possible and have encouraged him to make connections.
Now Dad's asking our opinion on his relationship. He wants to know what we think and whether he's making the right decision.
Should we tell dad it's a good idea to get married?
A: No. Your father is obviously lonely and looking for companionship after the death of your mother. Treat this fragile situation carefully.
Either he started dating very soon after your mother's passing or he is in a very new relationship. Hasty decisions made in emotional times often lead to problems down the line. Marrying to get over his feelings of grief solves his short-term issue, but marriage is a long-term commitment.
Your father is likely still in a state of emotional shock, which makes it hard to think clearly.
Although getting married now could work out as hoped, there's the potential for it to go wrong. If you make the decision for him, he could blame you if it doesn't work out.
Just listen to your father, and give him the chance to talk through his feelings. Ultimately, the decision is in his hands.
If he feels unsure, encourage him to continue dating and see how the relationship grows. A good relationship will stand the test of time. — Doug
GETTING ACTIVE
Q: With the new year starting, I'm inspired to get back into exercise. I haven't been active on a regular basis for several years, and I've become seriously overweight. I need to start taking care of myself.
How should I get started?
A: Before starting an exercise regiment, make an appointment with your doctor to check whether you're ready to start a serious program. Thinking about your health beforehand will help you avoid more health problems.
Additionally, your checkup can serve as a baseline. After you start exercising, you'll be able to measure your progress by comparing your vital signs and weight over time.
Start simple, and don't overwhelm yourself.
Strengthening your muscles at home can be an easy way to build up to more exercise. Do 15 jumping jacks a few times a day.
You can also buy a set of light weights at any sporting goods store and do some simple lifting. Do research, or ask around for some simple exercises to maintain your muscle tone.
Consider joining a group activity or program — participating in a community will help you stay motivated. Look into senior centers or the YMCA for inexpensive aerobics classes.
The hardest part about exercise is actually doing it. Getting yourself out there on a regular basis is the path to success.
Find a way to make yourself excited about your new routine. Some people find exercise boring and like to watch TV while working out, but there are other ways. Simply taking a regular walk outside can deepen your enjoyment of the fresh air.
Whatever you choose to do, stick with it. Once you start feeling bored with your routine, it's time to try something new! — Emma, Doug's granddaughter
Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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