Dear Annie: My husband of five years has dementia. We've known about it for two or three years. He retired last year, and I work full time.

It's getting harder. He argues every point, doesn't want me to go anywhere without him and repeats himself. He says he will just "wait for me" when I ask for things to be done or when I try to get someone to help him with things. I financially can't stop working yet. To make it harder? Almost everyone has ghosted us.

He's home by himself most of the day. His family doesn't call or come by. Some of my family and a couple of my friends do come to help me, but it will reach a point where I'm going to need more help with him. He has three sisters and many cousins close by who have all gone no-contact. His kids barely check in.

I can't do this alone indefinitely. I can't afford care when the time comes unless it's a nursing home. I'm tired and frustrated. I get it — it's hard dealing with dementia and all that encompasses. When your rock becomes sand, it's rough. Maybe it would be easier if we had been together for 10, 20, 30 years, but we were barely married when things went sideways.

I don't know how things are going to go, but maybe you can ask your readers to remember that we caregivers need a break, a friend, an ear and inclusion. — Caregiver's Plea

Dear Caregiver: What you're carrying is heavy, and it's no wonder you feel overwhelmed. Caring for a spouse with dementia while working full time is more than one person should have to manage alone.

You're right that you can't do this indefinitely, and it's OK to ask for help. Contact your local Area Agency on Aging or an Alzheimer's support organization, which can connect you with respite care, support groups and guidance as your husband's needs change.

As for the people who've drifted away, perhaps they haven't stepped up not because they don't want to but because they don't know how. Be specific about support, whether it's a weekly visit, a meal they can bring or an hour they can spend with your husband so you can step out.

To my readers: "Caregiver" is right. If someone in your life carries a similar burden, please don't leave them to carry it alone.

Dear Annie: We have a co-worker who has a distinct odor for a few days a month. We work in patient care and feel bad that her time-of-the-month odor may be giving people the idea that she's generally unclean.

How can we politely tell her that others are noticing and prevent her from being embarrassed? — Trying to Be Tactful

Dear Tactful: This is a sensitive situation, and your instinct to spare this woman embarrassment is the right one.

If something must be said, it should come from a supervisor or HR, not a group of co-workers. In a patient care setting, hygiene concerns should be addressed professionally and privately, without speculating or singling her out.

Tread carefully. Kindness here means discretion — and letting the right person handle it.

"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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