Once, a newspaper columnist was presented with a problem. A young woman who was of good moral character, an excellent student, a respectful daughter, an apparently all-around good person, wrote seeking advice about her dilemma: Her father was never pleased with anything she did. He was always criticizing, finding fault as if there were a reward for it, and, in general, repeatedly putting her down.

The columnist gave her this advice: Just ignore him and get on with your life. I believe that was poor advice. To advise someone to ignore a consistently faultfinding father is like advising someone to ignore a broken arm. There is a better way.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one on earth can make you feel inferior without your permission. Just don't give it to them." Remember that you are somebody very special to God. This young woman undoubtedly means a great deal to her mother, and odds are good that she means much to her father, who is woefully short on human relationships skills.

This young woman surely knows her father has some good qualities or her mother would never have married him. Perhaps he's a good, steady provider, an honest and faithful husband. Maybe he loves his neighbor but doesn't know how to express his love for his daughter and encourage her positive qualities. I advise this young woman the next time her father criticizes her to smile and say, "You know, Dad, I never realized that I was not doing this better than I am. Thank you for telling me something for my own good. That's just one of the reasons I love you, Dad." Will this be easy? No, but keep reading.

Next, when she sees her father doing something like helping her mother with a household chore, coming home in time for dinner, or anything that shows he cares about his family, she should say to him, "Dad, that was really nice of you. I'll bet many families would appreciate a husband and father as thoughtful as you. That makes me proud to be your daughter."

When her dad walks in from work, she needs to welcome him home and say, "Dad, I'm glad you're home! Gimme a big ol' hug!" If her dad is not a hugger, that approach will soon make him one. Frankly, there are very few fathers who would not respond to warm, genuine hugs from their daughters.

Another step is a "second-hand compliment." Example (make certain this is true!): She can say, "You know, Dad, I was telling one of my (co-workers/friends) today how attentive you are to the needs of our family, and how much we respect and appreciate you for that. Her comment was, 'He sounds like a really neat guy!'" or something along those lines. By now his heart will be softening. Then she can spend a couple of bucks on a neat card (don't wait for Father's Day to do this!) and tell her dad, "I couldn't wait until Father's Day to give it to you. I wanted to see the smile on your face today."

My friend and mentor, Fred Smith, taught me long ago that most people who are mean, nasty and ornery to you (as this young woman's father apparently was) do not do it because they want to hurt you — they do it because they are hurting. This approach will remove some of that hurt, and the young woman has nothing to lose and a great deal to gain by trying it. I hope she sees this column and gives it a try, because I'm convinced it will make a difference. I'm also convinced there are any number of readers who have the same basic situation, so this approach was also written for you.

To find out more about Zig Ziglar and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. Subscribe to Zig Ziglar's free e-mail newsletter through [email protected].