Q: I sometimes meet with clients in a nearby library conference room, an open main floor area with free Wi-Fi, tables and chairs for meetings, university common areas, etc. I recently met with a client; it was clear we were working on a computer together discussing business in low voices, privately in a corner of the very large room.

A woman sat down in an area near us, but not close enough for listening and talking. She oddly moved very close, turned around to stare at us, and periodically interrupted us. My client and I became very uncomfortable; it was obvious to us this woman had no sense of boundaries.

She was in a grouping of chairs and tables not facing us, but she sat backwards, turning around to face us, staring and interrupting us throughout our meeting. We were deep in our conversation and did not want to move, but this woman did not stop. She aggressively interrupted us to ask personal, inappropriate and intrusive questions. She definitely had some sort of mental problem or personality disorder.

My client and I became nervous, knowing she was "off" mentally, and we feared saying anything that might anger her. We tried politely ignoring her, which did not deter her. Sometimes we would respond to her in general, hoping she would stop her rude and inappropriate behavior. She did not.

How should we have acted to stop her weird and aggressive behavior without triggering any potential anger or making a scene in public?

A: The businessperson should take charge by saying to the woman, "This conversation is private," says Karen R. Koenig, MEd, LCSW, psychotherapist (Sarasota, Fla.). He or she should not say it more than twice. If the stranger continues to harangue and harass them by interrupting their meeting, she is not hearing or registering the message. Continuing a dialogue is not in the interest of the established business relationship, but there are things to NOT say in such a situation. Do not get angry with someone who clearly cannot set appropriate boundaries or act rationally in such a situation. Do not take the behavior personally by insisting on correcting that person with the hopes she will understand. Do not act in ways to embarrass oneself in front of one's client. At all times, act professionally and place your business relationship first.

If there is a librarian or a guard overseeing the area, seek help by asking that person to intervene, though it might be better to report the incident after moving away from the disturbing and disturbed person.

It's understandable that both individuals in the meeting were put off and distressed by this woman. They will never know why she acted as she did. She may have a major mental illness or was simply lonely with poor interpersonal skills. Koenig says, "You and your client made an excellent and compassionate effort to get her to stop intruding by politely ignoring her, but the general periodic responses to her unfortunately may have generated a continuation of the interruptions."

Here's why. "Without realizing it," says Koenig, "you were unintentionally giving her a double message — trying to get her to stop talking to you by talking to her. In psych parlance, your latent message through your action of speaking to her continued engagement, while your manifest message, delivered through your content, was to end engagement. A clearer message would have been to get up and move to another area of the room."

Since we don't know the reason for the woman's inappropriate behavior, we cannot speculate what will set her off. But the "why" for her behavior is not as important as knowing how to handle it, which is to get away from the person. Koenig once blew her nose while sitting next to a woman on a bus. The woman started screaming, "You're poisoning everyone on the bus." Koenig immediately assumed the woman had paranoid schizophrenia and immediately moved away by changing seats. That ended the interaction.

A person should always heed his/her fear, and understand that maintaining a workspace location is not nearly as important as getting to safe ground.

Email career and life coach [email protected] with your workplace questions and experiences. For more information, visit www.lindseyparkernovak.com and for past columns, see www.creators.com/read/At-Work-Lindsey-Novak.

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