Q: Every guy at my office is married except me. My co-workers routinely push me to ask out various single women at work. Not only do they want me to date one of them, but they keep talking about how I should be married at my age (35). I don't want to date someone who works at the same company as me, and most importantly, I like being single and having periodic relationships when I choose to. My co-workers make comments daily and I am slowly getting angry. It was funny initially; now it's obnoxious. I do not enjoy being the subject of their daily conversation.
A: Joking about the same topic gets old fast, especially when co-workers turn you into the joke. No matter how friendly all of you are at work, you are entitled to privacy in your personal life. Whom you date and whether you date is up to you. A simple statement regarding ending their focus on you should suffice without being rude, crude or forceful. It sounds like a joke that expired long ago. If one co-worker refuses to drop the topic and is more irritating than the others, speak to him privately. If you have to, turn the joke around and tell them pushing you into a relationship won't make their relationships any better. People who hang onto this annoying subject may be unhappy in their own relationship, so tread cautiously.
You may want to consider another option: Drop your rule of not wanting to date someone from work. Also, become familiar with your company's dating policy between co-workers, but rules or no rules, 27% of employees admit to being open to dating a person from work. After all, employees spend more time at work than they do at home (not counting sleeping).
Work is a great place to get to know a person. Seeing someone every day allows you to see a person's lighthearted side, as well as the deeper side of their personality and temperament. Liking a person is a healthier beginning to any relationship rather than experiencing fireworks at first sight, which most always burn out quickly. It is especially unwise to develop romantic feelings about someone who displays temper tantrums or an entitlement personality.
As the pool of employees at work is diverse, it is a good place for comparison rather than meeting potential dates at a local bar where the first trait you discover is what kind of drinker he or she is. Though that is certainly an important character trait, and one you will want to rule out if you are not a drinker, getting to know someone from work gives you a more comprehensive view of how the person behaves in a variety of situations, including under stress.
Once you've loosened your rule about not dating a co-worker, evaluate their emotional intelligence. This might require some serious talks before any dating takes place. Decide if both of you can maturely handle disappointments. You don't want a replay of the films "Fatal Attraction" or "Sleeping with the Enemy," though a true psychotic breakdown may be difficult for a layperson to predict.
One rule most companies require is no dating between managers and subordinates. Between a possible sexual harassment charge or being reported for extreme favoritism on the job, the two of you will be the subject of gossip until the company investigates the situation. Dating someone at work can pose a risk, but a CareerBuilder survey found 38% of employees have dated a person from work. Couples have made it through, sometimes with one or both leaving their jobs. On the positive side, 14% of relationships that started at work have led to marriage.
Email [email protected] with all workplace experiences and questions. For more information, visit www.lindseyparkernovak.com and for past columns, see www.creators.com/read/At-Work-Lindsey-Novak.
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