Q: I am close to blowing up at one of the supervisor's at work, so I need advice on how to deal with her. I work for someone who continually (I mean almost daily) asks me my opinion on things. When I give it, she then argues with me about why I am not right. I don't care what she decides to do. It means nothing to me, and once she starts in on me, I try to agree with her, but it doesn't work. Her belligerence irritates me to the point where I am close to telling her to "xxxx" off.

It's too stressful to spend the day feeling this way, and I so don't want to lose my cool, but I can't get her to stop. You may think it's easy to refuse to say anything, but she needles me into saying something, so she can shoot it down. I can't afford to quit, get fired or get reprimanded, but I am dangerously close to exploding, and I don't know where that will lead.

A: She sounds emotionally stronger than you because she succeeds by luring you into a meaningless disagreement. Face it. Some people are belligerent, and their argumentative behavior is intentional, even if they don't know it. You may not like her, but you are not angry with her. You are angry with yourself for not standing your ground when she goads you into a confrontation. Emotionally charged "discussions" are draining and unsettling to those who have peaceful natures. You know answering her begins the game, as it satisfies her troubled personality.

It's clear she cannot control her behavior; if she could, she would stop it, realizing that her antagonism pushes others away. You cannot "fix" her, but you can learn how to avoid her traps. Some people never give opinions, some can't give opinions, and some have no opinions. Become one of those types. Next time she asks your opinion, don't make a scene by refusing to answer her. An innocent "I don't know" will not quiet her immediately, but it will eventually end the conversation. When she badgers you to answer (and she will), repeat your three words, over and over and over. If you stop feeding into her game, she will stop playing it with you, similar to dog training. It just takes patience.

REQUIRED: EMPLOYEE WILLING TO LEARN

Q: I am afraid I'm in a job I can't do, but they haven't discovered it yet. My boss wants me to write first-client letters for him. I can't write, or should I say I don't feel comfortable writing for someone else. It makes me nervous, and formal letters are awkward for me. How do I explain I'd rather he would write his own correspondence without making him think I'm incompetent?

A: You can't. Refusing to engage in a task you were hired to do will send one of two messages: You don't know how and are afraid of learning or you don't want to just because ... but neither is acceptable. Imagine your future with the company after you tell your boss you can't do what needs to be done. You can and you should learn to write to the best of your ability.

Your boss wants business letters, not the great American novel. First, stop telling yourself you can't do it. If you can read, if you can focus long enough to study, you can learn how to write. Second, you must start reading. Reading keeps your mind active and stimulates your imagination. If you see words you don't know, use a dictionary to increase your vocabulary. You might not be a gifted writer, but you can learn proper grammar, punctuation, sentence structure and organization. Educating oneself takes work. Let's hope you think you are worth it.

Email Lindsey Novak at [email protected] with all your workplace questions. She answers all emails. To find out more about Lindsey Novak and to read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.