Q: I work for a small company where we see all our co-workers throughout the day even if our work does not involve each other. One of our co-workers seems very nice, but gets emotional over certain issues every week. Her moods range from quiet and calm to teary-eyed and whiny about the same things. She feels left out of things, events, conversations, information, etc. The facts are that she is never left out; she either walks away when someone else is talking about a subject that doesn't interest her or doesn't pay attention enough to remember information or hears things differently than what is being said. Whatever her behavior is, if it's not about her, she is not interested.

Appearance is also the most important thing to her, yet she seems incapable of running her life so her bad choices get her into deep water financially and personally. Then when the bottom falls out on her, we endlessly hear about it. None of us want to discuss her problems with her because when we have tried, she gets defensive, has reasons why whatever we suggest won't work, and doesn't seem capable of understanding how her actions caused the problems.

For example, she always complains about money, yet she takes unpaid time off work to go on extravagant vacations where she charges everything. It's not our place to tell her not to take off work, but she thinks that if the company allows it, it must be OK. We can't believe how a smart person could be so stupid as to not understand she is causing her own problems. Meanwhile, she causes an emotional scene nearly every week, and we are tired of having to listen off and on for hours. How do we politely shut her up? She is oversensitive, so we know that whatever we say and however we say it she will be offended. We are an office of administrative workers, not psychiatrists.

A: Deal only with the problem that directly affects you: She is stealing your time needed to get your work done. Since she does it repeatedly, she apparently doesn't care about any repercussions you may experience by finishing your work late. Though her insecurities and inability to understand cause and effect are a sad situation for her, you cannot allow her to sidetrack you from your work. It also sounds like you enjoy your work far more than you enjoy listening to her whining. Say whatever you need to for her to leave you alone - "I'm so sorry, but I have to get this done; this work is due soon and I have to focus on it; I wish I could help but I don't have the answer for you." Then turn away, do your work, and turn off any guilt you may have for not listening. You are being paid to work, not to be her sounding board.

If you and your co-workers get serious about your jobs, you may come to realize this co-worker is self-centered and doesn't care at all about your needs or wants. If she continues her time-draining behavior, firmly tell her you can't help, but there are people trained in counseling who can. If she'd like you to show her how to find such services, show her how to search for such a professional. Your company may even have an Employee Assistance Program that offers free counseling, and that's where your help must end.

Email all your questions to workplace expert Lindsey Novak at [email protected]. She answers all emails. To find out more about Lindsey Novak and to read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Website at www.creators.com.