Dear Annie: I have a fiancee whom I love and cherish. She has a 2-year-old son from another relationship and I accept and enjoy this child. The boy's father was physically and verbally abusive toward my fiancee, and I believe the guy is still unbalanced from drug use. He has no interest in being with his son.
A year ago, my fiancee and I were expecting a child, but she miscarried. We separated afterward because I needed time. The loss of the baby hurt me deeply. We eventually got back together, but then I was incarcerated for a short while. While I was in prison, my fiancee admitted that she had been with her ex and was pregnant again. She isn't sure who the father is.
I love her, but if this is not my child, I don't know what the future holds for us. She admits it was a mistake being with her ex. How can I save our relationship and our love if the child turns out not to be mine? — GI
Dear GI: You already know that you can love a child who is not biologically yours. We don't think that will be a problem for you, as long as you don't blame the child for his mother's indiscretions. A true father is the one who raises the child.
However, we think you should put this engagement on hold. Your concern should be less about the baby and more about your fiancee's ability to fully commit to you. It doesn't mean you should give up on the relationship. It means take your time. Let her show you that she will not go running to the ex whenever there is trouble. You might also consider couples counseling, perhaps through your church. It will help you both feel more secure with your future choices.
Dear Annie: I have had a best friend for 20 years. We were in the same civic group for many years, played sports together, and my wife and I traveled with him and his wife.
His wife is a domineering, opinionated woman who always has to be right. When we last traveled together, she told me how to cook, drive and where to park the car. When my wife and I came home, I told her that I was finished going anywhere with this woman.
We usually take several trips a year with them, but last year we took none. I am sure my friend is curious about why we don't ask them to travel with us anymore. Do I dare tell him that I'm tired of butting heads with his wife? — Frustrated
Dear Frustrated: We wouldn't volunteer this information. Your friend may already have his suspicions. Should he ask you directly, however, we recommend diplomacy. It will do no good to criticize his wife. He isn't going to divorce her over these trips. Simply say that you find these trips to be too exhausting, which is undoubtedly true. We hope you can maintain the friendship in other ways, and if there is a trip you and he can take without spouses, that might be one solution.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. You can also find Annie on Facebook at Facebook.com/AskAnnies. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.