First it was accountants (TurboTax), then travel agents (Expedia), then translators (Google Translate), now, us writers (ChatGPT), which stands for Chat Generative Pre-trained Transformer, a creation of OpenAI launched in November 2022.

I concluded my March 13, 2021, column on the subject of Google Translate pondering: "Will I someday receive a Google Alert informing me of the launch of Google Opinion Column Generator?" "I hope not," I added. Well, ChatGPT is here, and it can generate essays, news stories and yes, columns; it can even take exams, passing them with flying colors.

But can it generate opinion columns? As far as I know, only humans are entitled to their opinions. And even if ChatGPT can churn out opinion columns, could they ever approximate the elegant style and erudition of George Will, the sharp wit of the late Arthur Buchwald or the measured wisdom of Peggy Noonan? Can they make readers laugh or cry, as I sometimes attempt to?

Well, this Tuesday, I decided to challenge Chatbot to a duel. I went to openai.com with the intention of instructing it to write a 750-word op-ed on the limitations and shortfalls of computer-generated opinion columns. I clicked on the "Try" tab, but too many people were in line (or is it online?) in front of me and a robot typed a message in the form of a sonnet before my eyes. It asked for my email so I could be notified when I could access it, but it has been three days and no word yet. It's like waiting for a response from the IRS.

I got this sonnet instead, the equivalent of the waiting music one is forced to endure — I have been told — when trying to speak with a Southwest Airlines customer representative:

"Amidst the rush of curious minds,

The chatbot ChatGPT stands strong and true,

Withstanding the influx of requests,

Working hard to fulfill each one's due.

But alas, the server cannot cope,

And the error message rings loud and clear,

"Please check back soon," it gently hopes,

As it begs for a moment's reprieve, to reappear.

As the chatbot works to restore its might,

We wait in anticipation, with hopeful hearts,

For the chance to chat and learn, with delight,

And see what knowledge and wisdom it imparts.

So hold on tight, and wait for its return,

For ChatGPT will soon be back, and your patience will be well-earned."

Allow me to engage in a bit of lit crit. This is a sonnet in terms of structure, I suppose; at times, I could almost hear the Shakespearean da Dum / da Dum / da Dum / da Dum / da Dum. No Shakespeare "Sonnet 18" nor John Donne "Death, Be Not Proud." It is a piece of junk, sophomoric at best, even if meant to be tongue-in-cheek.

What is most obvious is the absence of humanity. Machines, at least for the time being, are devoid of consciousness and all human emotions (happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, anger and surprise). They may be programmed to manipulate and seduce (remember 2014's "Ex Machina"?) but can neither love nor fall in love.

CREATIVITY AND IMAGINATION ARE UNIQUELY HUMAN CHARACTERISTICS

Advanced computer systems and AI have been used for some time to produce, more accurately, to co-produce, art. Look up the computer-generated "Portrait of Edmond de Belamy," a hideous impression on canvas that is to one of Rembrandt's self-portraits what "Amidst the rush of curious minds," is to Elizabeth Barrett Browning's "How Do I Love Thee?" It may be true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder: in 2018, Christie's auctioned Monsieur Belamy for a whopping $432,500.

And then there is AI-generated music. When researching for this topic, I found that there are several systems out there, including Jukebox, from OpenAI, the same folks that brought us ChatGPT. I was hoping to ask it to compose a national anthem for a newly founded Caribbean state, but the system asked me to sign up and I did not want to go through the trouble. They claim that besides instrumental music it can generate "rudimentary singing."

Just this week, Google announced (no release plans yet) MusicLM, which can produce an "enchanting jazz song with a memorable saxophone solo and a solo singer."

I searched the net for samples of AI music and what I found was, as I expected, completely devoid of humanity. Yo-Yo Ma, Adele and Mark Turner need not worry for now.

DISCLAIMER: THIS OPINION COLUMN WAS GENERATED BY A REAL HUMAN BEING

To be continued...

Luis Martinez-Fernandez is the author of "Revolutionary Cuba: A History" and the forthcoming book "When the World Turned Upside Down: Politics, Culture, and the Unimaginable Evenest of 2019-2022." Readers can reach him at [email protected]. To find out more about Luis Martinez-Fernandez and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www. creators.com.

Photo credit: Alexandra_Koch at Pixabay