BY LENORE SKENAZY
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
I'm Hummin' It
How long has it been since McDonald's had a truly great jingle? Longer than it takes a nugget to turn into a rock.
Allow me, then, to pen some potential McHits:
To "The Banana Boat Song (Day-O)"
Filet-o, Filet-o / Lunchtime come and I gotta one wish./ Filet-o, filet-o / Lunchtime come and I wanna square fish.
To The Beatles' "Drive My Car"
Asked a girl what she wanted to eat/ She said, "Baby, can't you see?/ I wanna be skinny, a star of the screen/ So I need something fresh and green."
McSalad, baby, in the car!/ Dressing by a movie star/ McSalad, baby, in the car/ And, baby, I'm lovin' it.
To "Scarborough Fair"
Are you going to finish your fries?/ Ketchup, salt, but please hold the thyme./ Remember me as one who would share/ I once gave you two fries of mine.
Supersize-the-fries-delicious-expialidocious/ Even though one bite of them will give you halitosis./ If you eat 'em long enough, you know your diagnosis:/ Super-cali-fragilis-arteriosclerosis!
One Quarter Pounder!/ I needa one Quarter Pounder./ One Quarter Pounder/ I needa one Quarter Pounder.
To "Send in the Clowns"
Isn't it rich?/ Isn't it thick?/ Me with my straw in my shake/ You take a lick./ Send in the pounds./ We're packing on pounds/ All straight to the rear.
To Sesame Street's "Sunny Day"
Sunny day/ I need a break today/ On my way to finding food, folks, fun!/ Can you tell me where to get/ Where to get a Sesame bun?/ With some special sauce by the ton?
To "The Birthday Song"
Happy Meal day to you!/ Happy Meal day to you!/ Happy Meal day, Dear Customer Who Is Crying Under the Plastic Chair Because the Prize Is Already Broken/ Happy Meal day to you!
To Peter, Paul & Mary's "Puff, the Magic Dragon"
Puff, the Egg McMuffin/ Lived by the sea/ And frolicked with the breakfast crowd/ In a land called Mickey D's!
Little Jackie Paper/ Loved that Egg McMuff/ And piled him high with ketchup packs/ And other fancy stuff.
One sad day it happened:/ Jackie Paper came no more./ He'd blimped up to size 52/ And couldn't squeeze out his door.
Oh, Puff the Egg McMuffin/ Lived by the sea/ Eating all-day breakfast/ In a land called Mickey D's.
Lenore Skenazy is president of Let Grow, founder of Free-Range Kids and author of "Has the World Gone Skenazy?" To learn more about Lenore Skenazy ([email protected]) and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate webpage at www.creators.com.