A man ought to talk to his wife every so often, and I mean really talk.
Women live lives we don't know anything about, so it's good to check in every now and then and try to learn something. That's if she'll tell you anything. A lot of the time she won't. I believe that the world runs on the lies — or at least the silence — of women.
I was drinking coffee this morning, and I was thinking about this column and I said to my wife, "Can you imagine what would have happened if Donald Trump had said 'the N-word' instead of what he said about women?"
I use the falsely pious phrase "N-word" because it's expected, indeed demanded, of me. If it were up to me, I'd use the real word because this "N-word" business is just another way to pretend that Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on the bus and everything was all right in the world after that.
My wife, whom I had expected to talk, just said, "If Trump said that, there'd be riots, but you can say anything you want about women."
Nope. Trump couldn't call Jews "Christ killers" and stay in the race. Nor could he say "spic."
Riots. Legal action. Candlelight vigils. Marches.
Nope. One thing is certain. You couldn't pass off "kike" as just "locker room banter."
Oh, sure, Donald Trump may lose the election in part because of a vile thing he said about women, but he wasn't immediately dragged off his throne of redneck stupidity and made to grovel in the dirt.
I told my wife tonight that, many years ago, a boss laughed at me over something I'd done wrong. It wasn't a big something, but his laugh let me know just how tired he was of having to supervise his social inferiors. He could do it, so he did, and he did it in front of other people.
I took it, too. I needed that job.
But 30 years later, it still burns me. That man may not be alive. If he isn't, I'm sorry I wasn't there to watch him die. That's a crude and sinful sentiment, but if he wanted to be remembered well, he should have held his laughter.
I want to watch Donald Trump lose for the same reason I wanted to watch that other man die.
A man ought to talk to his wife every now and then. And I mean really talk.
Women live lives we don't know anything about, but when you know what dirt they are forced to eat, you burn — especially if you're in love.
To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. Dion's latest book, "King of The World on $14 an Hour," is a collection of his best 2015 columns and is available for Nook and Kindle.