DEAR SUSAN: A while ago, a friend told me about a column you wrote about love and what it can (and cannot do). I just stopped seeing the man I thought was the love of my life, and I need to see what you have to say about love. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: When we fall in love, we tend to believe it's the other person, our love, who makes us complete, filling in the missing element of our emotional neediness. Unfortunately, the same thing is true when we are hungering for love; we tend to look for the man or woman who makes us feel complete, totally fulfilled. So we say that person makes us feel whole, that we're all jagged edges without the person. But the real deal is that you've had your ability to love (aka lovingness) roused from its slumber. As it turns out, the person who has made such a wonderful difference in your life is a catalyst, not a missing part. No person outside yourself can make you whole. Or happy. Remember that gem when next you find yourself searching for a savior.

DEAR SUSAN: Your column mentioned that you plan to dig deeper into bisexuality. But I would so appreciate some words of wisdom on asexuality. Yes, it does exist, strange as that sounds. Recently and reluctantly, I've come to the conclusion that the word describes me quite well. I am in my late 50s and have had a difficult time trying to be a good sex partner in two marriages. I am now divorced a second time, have been for seven years, and though I'm not unhappy — I work a job I enjoy and have friends — I do miss the love, companionship and day-to-day living with another human being. Unless I meet another (very rare) asexual, I guess this will be my life. It's not bad, but it could be lots better. Do you have any suggestions/thoughts/comments? — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Yes, yes, a zillion times yes. This corner of the Net exists specifically for someone like you — generally on track in life but with an unmet yearning whose wistfulness merits special attention. Meditating on your words brings me to ask your definition of asexual. Are its roots from childhood or a negative experience? It seems to me that your need for love and companionship must lead to some degree of physical contact, yet it is aborted before consummation. Seeing as personal give-and-take between us isn't in the cards, the best I can do is to lay out possible scenarios to consider and leave the assembling to you.

I see a therapist in your near future, someone you trust, someone willing to be your guide on your journey inward. There are reasons for your asexuality; to know them (and the reasons for their being) is an experience best taken with a seasoned guide. I, for one, am not willing to consign you to a half-life because of a sexual state; the counselor will agree, I am certain. The words you wrote to me need to be spoken aloud in the room of truth of a therapist. Talk to a few until you find one who makes you feel comfortable. Together, you can discover your real needs — and then create a full life for yourself. No ho-hum futures accepted here. It takes work, but the result is so worth the effort.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].