Why Is This Man on This List?

An out-of-town golfer puts a $5 tip down the shirt of the 17-year-old young lady washing the clubs. Obnoxious? You bet. Humiliating? Most likely. What kind of punishment do you think the guy deserves?

Be forced to make a public apology? Do some community service? Maybe walk around for a day with a sign on him: "I'm a sexist tool."

I'd endorse any of those. What I can't endorse is the actual sentence he received when this case went to court. He was put on the sex offender list.

For 25 years.

That was the mandatory sentence the judge had to give him after a jury found him guilty of fourth-degree criminal sexual conduct — the lowest charge possible. The judge didn't want to give him any jail time or a fine. But he had no choice when it came to the registry.

Which is why the registry laws must be reformed.

Now, I'm pretty sure we all agree that we do not want sex offenders preying on children. But I hope we all agree, too, that that goal is not being achieved here. There is a difference between sexually tormenting little children and being a class-A jerk for a minute or two. The law fails to make that distinction. It's like the zero-tolerance laws that can't distinguish between a Pop-Tart bitten into the shape of a gun and a loaded Smith & Wesson.

Putting plain old jerks on the sex offender registry is pointless when it comes to child safety. There's zero evidence that this man is a pedophile. So to stigmatize him for 25 years feels like a far greater crime than fourth-degree criminal sexual conduct. It feels like cruel and unusual punishment. A quarter-century on the registry is a quarter-century when a person is a pariah, legally forbidden to go near any place kids congregate — parks, bus stops, school, the Y.

Being on the list is dehumanizing.

Though the trauma and embarrassment of getting a tip down one's shirt isn't trivial, chances are it will not emotionally scar the young lady for life. Why do we punish the deed as if it will?

For this, we must thank, in part, our talk show culture. Years of focusing on misery have taught us to be sensitive to harassment, which is good. But we also have been taught that victimhood lasts forever, which is — thank goodness — usually not the case. If people manage to leave a trauma behind, pop culture tells us not that they are resilient but that they are "in denial." But actual studies of resiliency find that the majority of folks can lead happy, productive, normal lives after very real traumas, including abuse, violence, war — you name it. Humans are stronger than our culture leads us to believe.

But of course, the courts are part of our culture, as are our lawmakers. That's the only way to explain why one person's moment of humiliation would seem to merit another person's decades-long punishment. The court or the lawmakers must believe that any emotional damage, big or small, is forever crippling.

Add to that the fact that being on the sex offender registry is not officially considered punishment — as far as the law is concerned, it's merely "alerting" the public — well, that's cruel beyond belief.

Most of us fervently want to keep kids safe. Excessive punishment of non-predators is just not the way to do it.

Lenore Skenazy is the author of "Free-Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry)" and "Who's the Blonde That Married What's-His-Name? The Ultimate Tip-of-the-Tongue Test of Everything You Know You Know — But Can't Remember Right Now." To find out more about Lenore Skenazy (lskenazy@yahoo.com) and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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