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Eek! A Man!

All men are perverts until proven otherwise.

That's the attitude British Airways had taken for the past decade or so. The airline's policy stated that no man was allowed to sit next to any child traveling alone or in a row separate from his or her parents. It didn't matter if the kid's parents were right behind him or her on the plane. It didn't matter if the male passenger was traveling with his own family. Nothing mattered except the fact that, by virtue of possessing a Y chromosome, the man was quite possibly a pervert and, hence, had to be moved, which is exactly what happened to businessman Mirko Fischer.

Fischer was on a flight with his pregnant wife, when she asked to switch seats with him so she could lean against the window. Fischer moved to the middle seat, which meant that he was sitting next to a 12-year-old boy. When the flight attendant noticed this, he asked Fischer to change his seat, and when Fischer refused, the flight attendant ostensibly raised his voice.

So eventually, Fischer switched seats. But when he got off the plane, he turned around and sued British Airways for sex discrimination. He told the BBC: "I felt humiliated and outraged. They accuse you of being some kind of child molester just because you are sitting next to someone."

This past week, the case was settled, with British Airways admitting sex discrimination in Fischer's case (not across the board) and agreeing to change its policy. Now it will place unaccompanied children in an area separate from adults, leading one commenter to wonder, "What if there's a REAL emergency and no adult is there to help them adjust their oxygen masks?"

But of course, when it comes to children, real dangers are not the ones we concentrate on. We concentrate on the only one we always see on TV: stranger danger.

Stranger danger is such a compelling story that TV producers will go to the ends of the earth (or at least a beach in Aruba or a hotel room in Portugal) to report on a middle-class child who's fallen victim to a stranger.

Shamelessly, they milk these stories for weeks, months, sometimes years, until the victims' names become as familiar as our own: Jaycee. Natalee. Caylee. JonBenet.

We not only feel as if we know these young people but also begin to feel their stories are not that surprising — because on TV, they're not. There may be millions of children getting home every day, safe and sound. But TV shows us only the one who did not. Over and over. On the news. On "Law & Order." On "Nancy Grace."

And precisely because of this skewed picture, we start seeing the world in terms of terror. All children are in danger. All strangers are suspect. All men are perverts ... until proven otherwise.

What does it matter if we make men move away from all children just because "you never know"?

—It means we get used to thinking the worst first: You're a male? We know what YOU like.

—It means we start sexualizing all adult-kid encounters: You smiled at my kid? That is SICK, buster!

—It means we think nothing of substituting paranoia for logic. You bought a plane ticket? You must get your kicks molesting children!

Worst of all, this over-the-top "caution" dehumanizes us. We don't relate to one another as people, but as threats.

It's great that British Airways has stopped treating all men as quite possibly predators. Can't wait till the rest of society follows suit.

Lenore Skenazy is the author of "Free-Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry)" and "Who's the Blonde That Married What's-His-Name? The Ultimate Tip-of-the-Tongue Test of Everything You Know You Know — But Can't Remember Right Now." To find out more about Lenore Skenazy (lskenazy@yahoo.com) and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

Comments

5 Comments | Post Comment

This portrayal of individual men as perverts, combined with my social anxiety, is giving me a complex. I was in a pet store the other day buying pet food when a woman walked in with her 4 children. One of the children strayed from the pack to the section where I was (near the hamsters and other furry critters). She started talking and asking questions about the pets, and I assumed it was to me, because no one else was around. The only thing I could think was that if this girls mother came back and found her daughter talking to some stranger who happened to be a man, she might freak. I was as polite as possible, making a hasty retreat for the nearest empty aisle. I could just imagine this mother might assume I go to pet stores and hang out around the hamsters hoping some random stray child will happen along that I could abduct (ignoring any number of legitimate reasons why I was in that section that had nothing to do with child abduction).

Not only have we abandoned "innocent until proven guilty", we've abandoned the need for a crime to have even happened before accusing people of doing so.

Comment: #1
Posted by: Nathan H.
Thu Aug 26, 2010 11:50 AM

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Yes, I agree with this article, and I think it's a huge shame. I have only a minor issue with the article, however: it concludes that "British Airways has stopped treating all men as quite possibly predators", and even opens with "That's the attitude British Airways had taken" (note the past tense). I disagree with these two statements. By moving children away from men (and women, it would seem) BA demonstrates a continued lack of trust. Sure, they no longer discriminate based on gender, but there isn't any evidence that they have a fear of women. Instead, their fear of men, and their fear of litigation has caused them to merely punish the women equally.

Given that a statistically enormous percentage of these now-avoided encounters would be peaceful, the true sufferers are the children. They could have (occasionally) had enlightening and thoughtful encounters with grown ups, which would have boosted their self confidence and provided valuable lessons. Instead, they are segregated, for their own "protection". Very dehumanizing, indeed.

It's sickening, actually.

Comment: #2
Posted by: -rb
Thu Aug 26, 2010 6:42 PM

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I was walking my dog when I saw two young boys playing a sort of pitch and hit game. Having had years of experience playing baseball, and seeing that the young kid with the bat was lifting his back foot when he swung, I wanted to tell him simply that he should keep that foot on the ground and pivot on it. Then I thought twice and kept on walking, thinking I might be taken as a pervert trying to gain favor.
What a shame.

Comment: #3
Posted by: Richard Kelly
Thu Aug 26, 2010 10:45 PM

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I agree with #2: what BA has really done is start treating all adult passengers as potential perverts. A win for sexual equality, maybe, but not for sanity.
@#1 + #3: There certainly is some risk that a man interacting with children getting the pedophile label, but maybe that's a risk we men should be taking. If we stop talking to children altogether--- if they cross the street to avoid children playing on the sidewalk--- then we only strengthen the perception that men are kind of creepy, particularly in the minds of the children who notice our strange behavior. Early feminists who challenged stereotypes about women by working ran the risk of being labelled "frigid" or "unnatural" or "man-hating"/"child-hating", and their willingness to do so paved the way for future generations of women. Maybe we can take a page out of their playbook, run the risk, and teach people that men can have perfectly normal and even salutary interactions with children, so that our sons can live without the fear of the pervert label.

Comment: #4
Posted by: Lihtox
Wed Sep 1, 2010 7:02 AM

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This strikes a chord with me, too. Unfortunately, I'm male. So if I happen to walk along the street, or through a store, and say "excuse me" or "hello" in passing a child, there is often a presumption of something funny going on. . . at least the mother or person in charge does a quick once-over to ensure that I'm not Chester the Molester.

This keeps me from talking to kids at all. I hadn't thought of it until I read one of these posts, but I suppose there's a reciprocal effect upon children: an absence of non-familiar adult male interaction and possibly a resulting exaggerated fear of men and masculinity. So it goes. I didn't set up this system.

Comment: #5
Posted by: Todd Volker
Thu Sep 2, 2010 8:05 AM

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