DR. WALLACE: Six of us girls sort of hang around and do activities together. Sharon (not her real name) is the least popular and is sometimes ignored or left out of group functions. I'm planning a Thanksgiving party at my house (girls only), and I've sent invitations to 15 girls, including the five other girls in our group.

Two of these girls have expressed displeasure because Sharon has been invited. In fact, they said they won't show up if she's going to be there. I like these girls and I want them to attend the party, but I'd feel bad if I told Sharon she couldn't come.

What should I do? — Nameless, Wheaton, Ill.

NAMELESS: It's your party; you made out the guest list hoping all 15 invitees would come. If some choose not to attend, that's their concern or possibly their problem. Those who show up will have a wonderful time. Those who don't attend will miss out.

You did the right thing by inviting Sharon. Don't even consider revoking her invitation. That would be cowardly and cruel. Your two snobbish friends are applying peer pressure to get their way — don't have any part of it!

THE QUALITY OF MOST FILMS SEEMS TO BE IMPROVING

DR. WALLACE: I enjoy movies and see at least one film every weekend. Since I'm 18, I am not restricted and can see any movie I choose. I have been reading your column for quite some time. I remember you once said that most films were trashy, and people, especially teens, shouldn't waste their good money or time watching them. Do you still feel that way? — Pete, Willmar, Minn.

PETE: Some films are extremely well-made and worth seeing. The best are great art and worth the price of admission; they have much to teach us about the human condition and are highly entertaining as well.

Such films are the exception, but I do think filmmakers have improved their product in the last few years. They can, and sometimes do, develop a plot without a torrent of filthy language, grotesque violence and unabashed lust.

As a teacher, I'd give the film industry a grade of C-minus — up from a D-minus five years ago. When they get up to a B, I'll start going more frequently.

BOTH THE GIRL AND BOY NEED TO RESPONSIBLE WHEN DATING

DR. WALLACE: I'd like to respond to the letter from the 16-year-old girl who came home an hour late from a date. The girl's father was so mad that he almost hit the guy when he walked her to the door.

My parents have taught me that I am responsible for my life. If I come home late I'm the one to blame, not my date. I'm 17 and try to behave responsibly. If this girl breaks curfew on a regular basis, it's possible she isn't mature enough to be dating, regardless of her age. Unless the guy forced her to stay out, he is not the one to blame. — Cindy, Hammond, La.

CINDY: The boy, if he's driving, has a responsibility to his date and her parents to see that she is safely home at the designated time. When both the girl and her date are conscientious, problems like this rarely occur.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Parents Can Serve as Important Influences to Teens

DR. WALLACE: I always hear that teens feel pressured to have sex. Who, pray tell, is putting on all this pressure? I'm a mother of two teenagers — a 16-year-old daughter and a 15-year-old son — and we have open and honest communication. They can talk to me about anything on earth, including things of a sexual nature. I asked them if they are being pressured into having sex and both said, "Absolutely not." — Mother, Pendleton, Ore.

MOTHER: You are a very wise parent. Open and honest communication between parent and child is extremely important. No one can give better advice to a child than a parent.

Unfortunately, not all parents follow your good example. According to a survey by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, teens exert a strong influence over one another. Girls feel that pressure is most likely to come from their boyfriends. For the boys, the pressure comes from their buddies. It's a macho thing.

Still, when asked who was most influential regarding sexual decision-making, teens were more likely to say parents (38 percent) than friends (32 percent). The peer pressure differs for boys and girls. When teens were asked what sources they have felt pressure from to have sex, 37 percent of the girls said they felt it from guys, followed by 26 percent from their girlfriends. With boys, 45 percent said they received pressure to have sex from their buddies and 19 percent from the girls they were dating. The study surveyed 1,002 teens in February.

TEEN NEEDS TO TRY TO CONTACT LOST DOG'S OWNERS

DR. WALLACE: About two weeks ago, my brother and I found a dog on our way home from church. She was lost, so we took her home. She was such a friendly dog that our parents allowed us to keep her.

I really love Daisy, but now I feel bad. Daisy had a dog tag and collar on, but we took it off so our parents wouldn't know. Now I realize that some family might be looking for their dog. If they love her as much as I do, they will be really sad.

I still have the collar and dog; I feel I need to find the real owner. What should I do? I'd like to do the right thing, but my brother thinks we should keep the dog because she has a good home and, after all, the other family let her get lost. — Jerry, Brookhaven, Miss.

JERRY: First of all, keeping Daisy was wrong. Be honest and tell your parents that when you found Daisy she had on a collar and a dog tag, which you and your brother removed. Let them know you still have the tag. Then either you or a parent should inform the animal shelter that you have a lost dog. Give the shelter the tag number; they will contact Daisy's real owners.

If the owners can't be contacted because they have moved away, then Daisy could be your dog. But don't get your hopes up. Odds are the owners can be contacted and will be thrilled at the good news. In many homes, a pet is considered part of the family.

If Daisy is returned to her rightful owners, there are many beautiful and friendly dogs and cats at the animal shelter that need a good home — they would love to have you as their master. Stop by and pick one out. Everybody in the family wins, including the pet.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Boyfriend Needs to Respect Girlfriend's Guardian's Wishes

DR. WALLACE: I'm not a teen, but I need your advice. I'm 21 and my girlfriend, Lenore, is 16. We have been dating for seven months. Her mother approved of the age difference and has given me permission to date her daughter.

Last week Lenore's mom died, and Lenore is now living with an older sister and her husband. Lenore's sister doesn't like the idea that she is dating a 21-year-old guy; she has given us two weeks to wind up our relationship. Lenore says that she understands and it is necessary to break up, but I disagree.

I believe that Lenore's sister should honor her mother's wish that Lenore and I could date. I'd like your opinion. — Preston, Lake Charles, La.

PRESTON: Lenore's sister has taken on the difficult role of legal guardian for Lenore. Accept the fact that her sister feels that you are too old for her and don't force the issue, especially since Lenore understands that it is necessary to end the relationship.

What Lenore doesn't need is a hassle with her sister regarding you. Be a gentleman. Leave the scene swiftly and quietly. And yes, I also think you are too old for Lenore.

ACNE TREATMENT CAN BE AFFORDABLE

DR. WALLACE: How long does it take for acne to disappear without the aid of a doctor? I have acne, but can't afford a doctor. — Nameless, Hackensack, N.J.

NAMELESS: Acne may not disappear until the early 20s, and occasionally continues beyond even that. Some people in their 30s and 40s suffer from acne.

But take heart. Effective and inexpensive treatments are now available. Contact a dermatologist and discuss your financial problem. I'm sure you will find a solution. You will be pleasantly surprised at the relatively low cost of acne treatment; it's important that you receive medical assistance.

OVEREATING LEADS TO OBESITY, NOT HEIGHT GROWTH

DR. WALLACE: I'm 13 and a little bit below average in height for my age. I live with my grandparents. I have been with them since I was 4, so I consider them my parents.

I'm not a big eater. My grandmother is a good cook and she makes big dinners. I eat only part of what she thinks is good for me, but I never leave the table hungry. Her favorite saying is, "Finish your meal so you can grow nice and tall."

I really don't want to be "nice and tall," but I don't want to be a shrimp either. Would I grow taller if I ate more? — Bobby, McComb, Miss.

BOBBY: I didn't know the answer, but my friendly local librarian tuned me into a five-year study by the University of Pittsburgh to determine if the amount of food a person eats influences growth and eventual height.

The conclusion: Children who did not overeat grew to the same height as those who did. The only difference was that the children who overate had a higher percentage of obesity.

The research team is convinced that a person's final height is governed primarily by heredity. It was also noted that severe malnutrition could contribute to a stunted growth pattern. In the United States, the tendency is for people to eat too much rather than suffer from malnutrition.

Make sure your daily diet is low on fatty junk foods, but full of nutritious fruits and vegetables. They won't make you grow taller, but will help you maintain good health.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Should Avoid Revenge Despite Hurt from Losing Two Friends

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 16-year-old girl with a huge problem. In one week, I lost my boyfriend and my best girlfriend — to each other. Rick and I had been dating steadily for about six months. We had our occasional spats, but most of the time we had a lot of good times together. He told me that he loved me; and I told him that I loved him and hoped someday to be his wife.

Allison was my closest and best friend. We had known each other for over 10 years and had been close since we entered high school. We told each other everything, except our deepest secrets. Of course, I confided in her about my relationship with Rick.

Last week, I had to go to Florida with my family to attend my grandfather's funeral. We were gone for five days. The day I returned home, Rick called and said he had to see me. I told him I was tired and I'd see him the next day, but he insisted he had to see me immediately. We went out for a snack. Then he hit me with the news that we were no longer a couple and that he and Allison were dating. I was so shocked that I didn't talk the rest of the night.

It's now two days later and the shock has worn off. Now I'm mad, frustrated and thinking of revenge; however, I don't know what I should do, if anything. It's not easy losing two close friends at one time. I'd like your comments. — Connie, Rock Island, Ill.

CONNIE: That was a tough piece of news to digest over a snack, shortly after returning home from a funeral. I sympathize and can certainly understand your anger. I advise against seeking revenge, simply because it will only aggravate your pain and make you feel worse.

Right now, the hurt is still fresh and may seem like it will never go away, but it will, rest assured. Your best bet is to plunge into as many activities as possible — immerse yourself. Do things with family and friends; get involved in school, church or community activities; volunteer your time; make new friends. Above all, don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself or sitting at home wondering what "they" are doing.

While you have lost two friends in one blow, those two have also suffered a loss — you. I'd say their loss was the greater one.

TALK WITH FRIEND ABOUT HER LYING HABIT

DR. WALLACE: I'm 13 and so is my friend. Lately she has been telling unbelievable lies. All of these lies have taken place in the past three weeks. Let me give you an example. Two days ago, she told me that her grandmother won $10 million in the California lottery. My mom called her mom to find out if this was true and, of course, it wasn't. Whenever I prove she was lying, all she ever says is "I was just fooling."

I'm getting tired of this. My mom thinks it's time that I stop having this girl as a friend and I agree. Still, I'd like to hear what you have to say about this. So does my mom. — Nameless, Holland, Mich.

NAMELESS: When people resort to telling whoppers like that, it's usually a sign of low self-esteem. These tall tales make the person feel important. Instead of dropping her, talk with her and let her know that you are her friend, but you want her to be real with you and stop telling lies.

She needs your friendship more than ever. Eliminating her as a friend will only compound her lack of self-esteem. It would be nice if your mother and your friend's mother could discuss how best to solve this problem. Give it a try.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Donate Unwanted Garage Sale Items from Grandma

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 13-year-old girl who has a problem with my grandmother; she is constantly mailing me used clothes she buys at garage sales and yard sales in California. I've written her twice asking her to stop sending me used clothes, but she continues to waste her time and money by mailing these items.

How can I convince her to stop? I've even had my mom call her, but she refuses to respond. — Nameless, Galesburg, Ill.

NAMELESS: It's obvious that your grandmother enjoys shopping at garage and yard sales (so do I) and likes sending you some of her finds. You should not be upset by her generosity. Simply thank grandmother for her "treasures" when they arrive. Then look them over. There might just be something you would enjoy wearing! Give everything else to the Salvation Army or some other worthy charity; therefore, the items can be put to good use.

TEEN NEEDS TO MOVE ON AND DISTANCE HIMSELF FROM EX

DR. WALLACE: I'm 20 and dated the same girl, age 18, for the past two years. About six months ago, she broke off our relationship and is now dating a guy who is deeply involved with drugs. This really makes me feel terrible because she deserves so much more.

I love this girl very much, and it tears me apart to think that she is dating such a lowlife. This girl is close to my sister and my family, but nothing seems to convince her to get rid of this guy. She tells others that she really wants me, but she continues to stay with him.

Whenever she has a bad day or has a major problem with her new boyfriend, she calls me for comfort and advice, yet she tells me to be happy and to go on with my life. She knows that my family and I love her and we will offer comfort and support.

What should I do? This has been dragging on much too long. — Nameless, Talladega, Ala.

NAMELESS: You have been spending most of your time showing great concern for your ex-girlfriend, instead of taking her advice to be happy and to get on with your life. You should do just that. Don't allow her to contact you when she has a problem. Your sister can offer all the comfort and advice necessary.

Start dating other girls and get active socially — immediately! If the time comes that she dumps this druggie friend of hers, you will be the first person to know. Then you can decide if you want to start seeing her again; if you are not too involved with "Alexi" or "Karyn" or ...

PERSON CAN'T BE TRUSTED FOR DITCHING A DATE

DR. WALLACE: Please settle an argument for me. My boyfriend and I disagree on whether it is permissible to stand someone up when a definite date has been arranged. I say it's never OK for someone simply to not show up. Phil thinks there are legitimate times, besides death or unforeseeable catastrophe, when not showing up is OK. What do you say? — Laura, Vicksburg, Miss.

LAURA: I agree with you. Basic promises — and a date is a promise — are the building blocks of a relationship. A person who blows off dates simply can't be trusted. As far as I'm concerned, such behavior is unforgivable.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Before Marriage Seek Help for Constant Arguing

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and my fiancŽ is 21; we are very much in love. Our only blemish is that we argue a lot. This has caused me to wonder if we will quarrel all the time after we get married. My fiancŽ said not to worry because people in love argue all the time. Is this true? — Nameless, Sidney, Ohio.

NAMELESS: I asked my wife if she still loved me and she looked surprised, but said yes (whew!). I then asked her if we quarrel a lot, but she said no. I said I thought we did, so we wound up in a huge argument ... only kidding!

People in love sometimes argue as well as people who aren't in love. Parents argue, coaches argue (especially with referees), teens argue, presidents argue and even lawyers argue. Everybody disagrees — at least once in awhile.

Why do we all argue? Because we have different opinions and think we're right even when we're wrong.

Since you and your fiancŽ quarrel a lot, it could be a sign that you both are seeking the upper hand, which isn't good. Marriage should be a compatible partnership.

Discuss this with your fiancŽ and see if you can solve this dilemma on your own. If you can't, seek the assistance of a professional counselor. Don't even think of getting married until this problem is under control.

CARING MOTHER DOESN'T UNDERSTAND PURPOSE OF GANGS

DR. WALLACE: I live in an area of Southern California where there are a lot of gangs, which means we have violence, graffiti and malicious mischief. I have two boys, and, praise the Lord, they avoided joining gangs. Both have graduated from college, are married and living law-abiding, productive lives. I credit the Good Lord, basketball and their mama's love and discipline for their success as human beings.

One son played basketball for UCLA and played a few years professionally. The other son, who was probably a better player, was injured his senior year of high school and didn't play basketball in college; however, he did earn his college degree.

My question, Dr. Wallace, is why do young people of all colors, races, religions and sexes join gangs? I never could figure this out. — Mama, Compton, Calif.

MAMA: Congratulations for being a superb and loving parent. Once a couple has a child, nothing in the world is more important than his or her safety, welfare and guidance. But I'm not telling you something you don't already know.

Sociologists at the University of Houston recently did research on teen gangs in Houston, Dallas and San Antonio, concluding that the main reasons for joining a gang were: (1) to gain acceptance; (2) to feel wanted and needed; and (3) to feel important.

Teens with low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence are the ones most easily enticed into gang life. In other words, they're not bad kids, just needy. When those needs are not met at home or at school, they turn elsewhere. How tragic that the only place left to turn for many young people is the streets, where violence and illegal activity are a way of life. A year or two of this life and a merely unhappy kid can become a hardened criminal.

If the major cities had more parents like you, I'm positive the whole country would have fewer gang members. Your success story made my day!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.