DR. WALLACE: I'm 14 and considered a nerd or a geek at school. That's because I'm an 'A' student, do not drink, do drugs or swear. I am not involved in athletics because I'm not very big or strong and lack coordination. My problem is that I don't have any friends. I'm also religious.

How does a guy like me find any friends? — Nameless, Cumberland, Md.

NAMELESS: If you don't have any friends in your life right now, you have to take the initiative to find them. Join clubs at school with activities that pique your interest. Also, join a youth group at your place of worship — and if there isn't one, start one.

A friend is someone who enjoys the same things you do and likes being with you. I'm sure you can find such people if you work at it. Be proud of your excellent grades, religious values and all your other good qualities. You don't have to be anyone but yourself. Remember, it's more important to maintain your character and high moral standards than to lower them just to gain acceptance by your peers.

SMOKERS CAN CAUSE DEADLY HOME FIRES

DR. WALLACE: Because it's a health hazard, I appreciate that you tell teens not to start smoking and to quit if they do smoke.

I want to add that smoking can also be a serious fire hazard. About a month ago, my father fell asleep smoking a cigarette. The bed started smoldering, which, fortunately, set off the smoke alarm. If it hadn't gone off, our house could have burned down and we all might have lost our lives. But if my father weren't a smoker, we wouldn't have had this unnecessary excitement. — Sarah, Willmar, Minn.

SARAH: According to the American Council on Sciences and Health, residential fires, many caused by careless smokers, are the second most frequent cause of accidental deaths in the home, claiming over 5,000 lives in the United States annually.

Thanks for your reminder that a careless smoker may cause a serious fire and loss of life; an active smoke detector can save lives!

TEEN GETS RID OF BULLY AND GETS MONEY BACK

DR. WALLACE: You recently answered my letter in your column, and I really want to thank you for helping me. I'm the boy who wrote saying that a bully at school was forcing me to give him 50 cents a day or he'd beat me up. I didn't want to tell my mother because she's a single mom and it would cause her more concern. You advised me to tell my principal, and she would solve my problem.

She did. She called my mother and the boy's father; they had a meeting. The boy's father apologized to my mother and said his son would never bother me again.

Yesterday, the boy came up to me at school, said he was sorry, and then gave me $10 for the money he took from me.

You asked me to write to you letting you know how things turned out. Well, things turned out great! Thanks for helping me. My mom also says thanks. — Thomas, San Diego.

THOMAS: I'm happy things worked out well for you and that the bully has changed his ways. You just made my day.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE TUESDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Angry Reader Feels Teen Should Have Gone to Friend's Baby Shower

DR. WALLACE: I am a regular reader of your column. I usually agree with your advice, but you really blew it on your response to Julia in Atlanta. Julia's best friend was pregnant at age 16. Some of her friends planned a baby shower for her, and, of course, Julie was invited but her mother refused to let her attend. She thought it was "tacky" for an unwed teen to be the recipient of a baby shower. You agreed with her mother and told her not to go to the shower.

Were you afraid that Julia might go out and get pregnant just because she would get a baby shower? That's ridiculous! Good friends do not desert good friends — regardless of the situation.

You should have told Julia to go to the shower regardless of what her mother said, and then accept the punishment her mother would have dished out. Her mother is a very ignorant person who needs to brush up on her social skills. — Nameless, DeKalb, Ill.

NAMELESS: You misconstrued my answer to Julia. I would have allowed my 16-year-old daughter to attend a baby shower for her pregnant, unwed best friend. I'm not in agreement with Julia's mother's decision.

However, I felt that Julia needed to obey her mother's wishes. Defying Mom over this matter would have precipitated a serious family rift, which would not have helped anyone and might have made it difficult for Julia to be supportive of her friend in other ways. The baby shower just didn't seem like an issue worth starting a fight with her mother over.

STEPMOTHER SHOULDN'T USE SPANKING TO ENFORCE DISCIPLINE

DR. WALLACE: I'm a normal 13-year-old girl. I'm a 'B' student, never get into any kind of trouble and attend Sunday school regularly. My parents were divorced when I was 6 and I have lived with my father ever since.

My mother remarried soon after the divorce, and my father remarried a year ago to a lady who has two daughters close to my age. I never liked this lady when my father was dating her; I like her less now that she is my stepmother. She is a very religious person who believes that she should use a paddle on the rear when my two stepsisters and me need to be disciplined.

First of all it hurts, and secondly it makes me despise her even more. Her two daughters are used to her corporal punishment; I'm not.

I talked to my dad about this and he said he doesn't recommend spanking as a punishment, but my stepmother is in charge of discipline and he won't interfere. My last "three swats on the rump" were given because my room didn't pass neatness inspection.

Are you in favor of spanking as a means of discipline? If your answer is no, I'll present your answer to my stepmother. She reads your column regularly and likes it. — Nameless, Tupelo, Miss.

NAMELESS: I am a staunch opponent of corporal punishment and think both your parents are making a big mistake. This form of discipline is ineffective, sometimes escalates into outright physical abuse, and always engenders deep resentment.

In your case, it's definitely not going to work. Someone who first encounters this form of punishment in her early adolescence is bound to find it excruciating and humiliating. A loss of privileges is a more effective form of discipline and should be combined with positive reinforcement for good behavior.

Dad should take the paddle out of your stepmother's hands.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 3, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Mother Hopes to Gain Tips for Raising Two Teenagers

DR. WALLACE: I have a 13-year-old daughter and a son who will enter the teen years in two months. I have been both father and mother to them, since my children's father deserted us over seven years ago. He went to Mexico to visit his mother and never returned. His brother said that he is now married and has three young children.

As you can see, I will receive no help from him to guide our children through the teen years — I must do it alone. The teen years can be a very difficult time, so I will need all the good advice I can get to raise two caring, law-abiding and happy teens. Any suggestions will be deeply appreciated. — Maria, San Antonio.

MARIA: Parenting is the most rewarding job on earth, probably because it's also the hardest. And the teen years are toughest of all, but your determination to succeed at your role tells me that your son and daughter will make you a very proud mother.

An article in Careers and Colleges Magazine, titled "Are Your Parents Driving You Crazy?", might help you immeasurably. It offers 10 Useful Tips For Parents to create a happy home life, from teenagers themselves:

— Don't label me: When you compare me to someone else and say, "I'm the artist and he's the athlete," it makes us both feel inadequate.

— Don't minimize my troubles: If I'm brokenhearted, don't talk to me about puppy love and other fish in the sea. Just listen and try to understand how I'm feeling.

— Give me a compliment: I know you hate my hair — but praise me on something. I'd like to hear that you're proud of my varsity letters or good grades.

— Play fair: If you had a bad day at work, don't take it out on me. And if I'm nervous about a test or a date, I'll try not to be crabby to you.

— Don't invade my privacy: Treat me with more respect, and I'll do the same.

— Don't embarrass me in front of friends: I'd rather you save your comments — good or bad — for when we're alone.

— Spend time with me: Invite me to go out to breakfast or to the movies with you. I just might say yes.

— Give me information: Even if I roll my eyes.

— Choose your grievance: Instead of fighting over everything (room, clothes, music), pick one thing.

— Start letting go: Families should provide roots and wings, and besides, you don't want me living here when I'm 30, do you?

TEEN NEEDS TO MOVE ON AND DATE OLDER GIRLS

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and the girl I was dating is 14. Her father stopped our relationship because I'm Catholic and she's Protestant. I told him I'd change my religion if he would allow me to continue seeing his daughter. But he said, "No way."

Is there any way I can get her father to change his mind? I'm in love with his daughter and she loves me, too. We are both suffering because of his narrow-minded decision. What can I do to rescue our romance? — Erik, Tupelo, Miss.

ERIK: I doubt seriously that there is anything you can do to cause her father to change his mind. It's quite possible your age is more of a hindrance than your religion. This girl is actually at an age that many parents regard as too young to be dating.

I urge you to forget about her. Start looking for girls 17 or older to share time with.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE THURSDAY, DECEMBER 4, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Risks Friendship with Ex to Stop His Crazy Driving

DR. WALLACE: I was dating a guy and we had great fun together. Notice I said "was" dating. Let me explain.

About two months ago after cheerleading practice, I got a ride home with my girlfriend and her boyfriend, who was driving. I was never happier in my life to arrive home in one piece. This guy drove like a maniac.

Two weeks later he was driving home from a party with one of his buddies when his car spun out of control; both were killed. The state police said that speed was the major factor in the accident. My best friend was devastated. For me, it was a very sad moment but definitely a wake-up call.

About three weeks ago, my boyfriend started driving recklessly. I told him to stop being a showoff, but he continued driving like a maniac. I didn't know what to do, so I had my father call his father. Well, his dad revoked his driving privileges for two months. This made Kenny mad; he broke up with me, saying I was a "lousy fink" and he was never going to talk to me again. He has kept his word.

I really care for Kenny and I didn't want him to wind up like my friend's boyfriend — dead. I really thought I was doing the right thing, but I didn't want it to turn out this way. After thinking it over for three weeks, however, I know I made the right choice. I lost a boyfriend, but I might have saved his life or the lives of innocent people.

Why do guy drivers like to show off when driving? — Goldie, Springfield, Ohio.

GOLDIE: Your ex-boyfriend is fortunate that you cared enough for his safety that you risked losing his friendship, but might have saved his life or the lives of other innocent victims.

A motor vehicle weighs over a thousand pounds in heavy metal. When it hits anything at speeds over 30 miles per hour, severe damage can occur to everything in the crash: including the car, what it hits, and the occupants of the car who can be injured or even killed. As the speed increases, the damages and injuries also increase.

Reckless driving, at any speed, severely increases the risk of a crash. Reckless drivers come in all ages, but most are males, ages 16 to 24. These drivers are most dangerous because they are short of driving experience and long on youthful exuberance!

I commend you for the action you took. You are a wise and courageous young lady.

TEEN'S FIANCE NEEDS COUNSELING TO CONTROL JEALOUS BEHAVIOR

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and my fiancé is 21. We plan to get married sometime this year, but have not set a date yet. Joe is a wonderful guy and I care for him very much. He has all the qualities I desire in a guy, but he does have one minor flaw — he is extremely jealous.

If he sees me talking with another guy, he really gets upset and accuses me of trying to go out with the guy behind his back. If we're on a date and an old male friend happens to say "Hi," he blows his mind and ruins our date for the evening. I really dread going places where a male might know me and speak to me.

My older sister thinks Joe has some sort of emotional problem and I shouldn't consider marrying him at this time. I don't think his jealousy is so serious that it should delay our wedding. Sometimes I think it's better for him to be jealous than to be chasing after other women. What's your opinion? — Cynthia, Moncton, New Brunswick.

CYNTHIA: No marriage can survive an unreasonably jealous partner. Your sister's advice is sound. Joe's jealous streak is well outside the normal range; he may need professional counseling to overcome it. Don't marry him unless he receives help and is able to demonstrate that he has his emotions under control.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE FRIDAY, DECEMBER 5, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Father Needs to Apologize to Mend Relationship with Son

DR. WALLACE: My husband and our son had a big argument about a year ago. It wound up with my husband telling our son if he didn't like it in our house, he could move. The very next day, David, then 17, moved into his friend's parents' house. He took all of his clothes, but left the rest of his things in his room.

Since the day he left, we have had no contact whatsoever with him. I wanted to call David on his 18th birthday, but my husband asked me not to. Yesterday, my husband said he was going to give all of David's things to the Salvation Army. I told him I didn't think he should do that, then said I really missed our son and thought we should see him and patch up the relationship. My husband disagreed. He said David left the house on his own free will, so it's his responsibility to initiate "peace talks." Please give me your opinion of this. — Mother, Phoenix.

MOTHER: A year is long enough to have no contact whatsoever with your teenage son. Whatever the argument was about that caused him to leave is now secondary to getting him back into your life. Don't wait for David to initiate the contact. You and your husband should be the ones to open the lines of communication immediately.

Giving a child the silent treatment is often regarded as a form of abandonment and is a serious flaw in a family. It's the parents' responsibility to see that it doesn't occur. Your husband's stubbornness stems from a bruised ego, but it's time for him to be bigger than his hurt feelings and say, "I love you, son!" Then the healing can begin.

Your son needs the love of his family as much or more than you need his love.

MOTHER NEEDS TO REDUCE GUILT TRIPS AND TRUST DAUGHTER

DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and a pretty good kid who gets good grades. I'm popular at school and not on the wild side, but I am not a "goody-goody." My father is on medical leave from his job because he had a heart bypass operation. Now, whenever I go out on a date or out with my friends, my mother always throws in, "Make sure you're home at 11:30 or you'll cause him to have a heart attack." Or, "Don't do anything when you're out that might kill your father when he finds out."

This just ruins my time away from the house because I'm always thinking my father might have a heart attack and even die because of something I do. Please print my letter and tell Mom to lay off the guilt trips. She always reads your column. — Colleen, Hackensack, N.J.

COLLEEN'S MOM: It's important to instill in your daughter the desire to do what's right, but control founded in guilt is superficial and ineffective. Parents should trust children until that trust is abused, if it ever is.

TEEN DISCOVERS PARENTS HAD SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE

DR. WALLACE: I recently found out that my parents were married one month before I was born. You know what that means: They were "fooling around" long before they got married. This has made me feel very disappointed. What should I do about this? — Nameless, Hobart, Ind.

NAMELESS: There is nothing that you can do about it. Be thankful that your parents cared enough about each other and their unborn child to form a family. Judge your mother and father in their role as parents and don't concern yourself with things that happened before you were born.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE SATURDAY, DECEMBER 6, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Needs to Move with Family to New City

DR. WALLACE: I've got a huge dilemma. My father has been transferred to Phoenix starting after the holiday season. If he refuses to go, he will lose his job so he has to move offices.

I'm in my third year of high school. I'm active in student government and president of our French Club. I also will be on our girls' softball team in the spring. As you can see, I don't want to leave my high school.

I can live with my grandparents who live in town, finishing this year and next school year in Santa Fe, N.M. Of course, I would spend the summer in Phoenix with my family. My family doesn't like this idea, but I'm sure they could change their mind if you would agree with me. Please, pretty please. — Mandy, Santa Fe, N.M.

MANDY: Being a former high school principal, I fully understand your dilemma. If you had just one year until graduation, I would encourage your parents to let you finish that year and graduate with your classmates. But a year and a half is just too long to be separated from your parents. You are a cherished member of your family and the long separation is too great a sacrifice.

Phoenix has a marvelous school system; it won't take you long to adjust and become a student leader there as well. I should know — I taught at Phoenix Union High School and was the varsity basketball coach.

TEEN SHOULD KEEP CHURCH DATE WITH GUY FRIEND

DR. WALLACE: I have a simple problem, but I'm having a complex time trying to make the right decision. A guy at my church asked me to go to an upcoming church function about a month ago, and I told him yes. The guy is nice, but there could never be anything romantic between us. Don't get me wrong, he's not a nerd or anything like that, and I do like him as a friend. This event takes place about three weeks from now.

Since I agreed to go with Bruce, I've met Jack — I really love him and want to be with him every spare moment. Now comes decision time. Should I still go to the function with the guy at church, or should I tell him I'm in love with Jack and would rather not go with him? He still has a few weeks to find another date.

Jack said that he doesn't really care if I go to the church function, but deep down I think he wants me to go out with him that night and that's what I really want to do. My brother thinks I should keep my church date, but my sister says to call him and break the date. My parents are leaving it up to me.

What's your advice? — Erin, Salt Lake City.

ERIN: You accepted an invitation to attend a church function with a nice guy who is a friend. Go to that function with him with the idea of having an enjoyable time.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.