Dear John: My wife, "Teri," has a habit of bringing up conflict issues when we're around friends and family. When Teri does this, she focuses on making me look like the bad one. Of course, when this happens, we get mad at one another in front of our company. It is the worst feeling to have people looking at us and our problems! Why is this happening? -- Her Dolt, in Sarasota, Fla.

Dear Dolt: My guess is that Teri may be looking for an audience who can support her point of view. Whatever her reason, you're right: It's inappropriate for her to air your problems in public. It makes you uncomfortable, and your guests feel caught in the middle. They didn't come for a floorshow. The next time Teri starts in, ignore it. If the silent treatment doesn't work, walk off the stage: Excuse yourself to your guests, and go for a walk around the block. Your friends will understand and respect your decision. After they have gone, ask Teri to consider airing her grievances to a smaller audience: you and a family counselor.

Dear John: My wife had an affair that lasted about a month. I found out about it, and of course I hit the roof. And yet, I don't want us to break up because I love her. She claims that she is sorry and wants to rebuild our relationship, but at the same time, she says she needs her independence. She insists on taking weekend trips to seminars and maintaining e-mail contact and friendships with men who have expressed romantic interest in her. In the past, these men have offered to have her come stay with them for the weekend. She has declined because of the affair and because she thinks I am suspicious. It's true, I am. I feel that she should spend time working on rebuilding trust in our relationship, rather than spending her time and energy contacting other men and going away for weekend trips. Am I just way too suspicious and hurt because of her betrayal? -- No More Trust, in Nashville, Tenn.

Dear No More Trust: The issue of fidelity is, for good reason, of primary concern to you at this time. Your wife should recognize and respect this. Each of us has the right and the need to be independent. However, in a monogamous relationship, that independence is built on trust. After all, each partner has a right to feel reasonably secure that the marriage vows are being honored. From what you have written, she seems to have a degree of self-doubt as to the depth of her commitment to the success of your relationship. If she is unwilling to demonstrate this in her actions, then the only decision left for you to make is whether or not the relationship is worth the heartache you may incur. You deserve better. If you think so, too, move on.

Sweet Somethings

When he wants something, can he ever sweet-talk her! According to a recent Mars Venus/Redbook poll of 2,660 women, 31 percent of men have won over the woman in their life by telling her that she is the love of his life. Another 17 percent proclaim she is the most beautiful woman in the world, while 15 percent profess they cannot live without her. Best yet, 20 percent don't just talk the talk, but walk the walk with their actions. However, the final 17 percent don't show, let alone tell.

Full results are shown below. To take part in this week's Mars Venus/Redbook poll, log on to: www.redbookmag.com.

What's the sweetest thing your guy has ever said to you?

"Honey, I can't live without you."            15 percent

"You are the love of my life."            31 percent

"You're the most beautiful woman in the world."    17 percent

He doesn't say; he shows.                20 percent

Sadly, he doesn't say OR show.            17 percent

Total votes:                        2,660

NOTE: Because poll percentages are rounded, total values may not work out to 100 percent. Poll results are not scientific and reflect only the opinions of those users who choose to participate.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2008 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE
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