Single File by Susan Deitz

DEAR SUSAN: One of my fellow bloggers still seems a bit upset that he hasn't found a keeper yet. Well, I was in the same position he is. In fact, I have been in "single land" since 2007 and most likely will be for the rest of my time. But I've had quite a life. I finally realized that you've simply got to get on with life and forget about having a mate. You really do, lest you suffer stagnation in a self-constructed hell that no one can fix. For me, the escape route was a helicopter flight that led to a unique opportunity and a job I'd wanted for many years. So my advice is to forget about your single state and enjoy life by yourself. I didn't think I could do that, but once I got going, I couldn't stop. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: In other words, make your singlehood incidental. Instead of moving through life in neutral, allowing the hunt for a partner to take over your days and nights, make a pact with yourself to try going it alone for a while. Instead of using up energy pining for what you don't have right now, put the same drive into enjoying what life has to offer. This is a great time to dive into your interests, take the courses you've been thinking about, investigate this country's national parks, start a diary — whatever gives you pleasure, engages your mind. The great "safari for love" will have to wait; right now, you're seeing what else is on the menu. Funny thing, this single life. Just when you're fully entangled in one of your interests, you catch the eye of someone sparkly standing across the room, and a new chapter could be opening for you. But as a side effect of your ventures, not from a life dripping with desperation. Not fully convinced? Write for my Declaration of Undependence, on parchment, at no cost.

DEAR SUSAN: Ironically, I find that the women shallow enough to judge men by their wallets are the hotties that men judge primarily by their looks. So here we have men judging women by their appearance (shallow) and then getting upset when the women judge them by their wallets (also shallow). Apparently, in their minds, they can be shallow, but the women can't be. Sorry, but you can't have it both ways. Men who think like this should try expanding their dating pool by actually considering the type of people they're dealing with — but that might mean moving down on the "hotness" scale just a bit, to a 7 or 8 or below. But Hollywood and the Internet have convinced them that even ugly dudes can get 10s, so here we are. This is a huge double standard that has to go. (By the way, I'm a woman who is happily married to a wonderful man.) — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Appearance is indeed a top-rated quality by the male of the species, but he isn't entirely captivated by the perfect profile. Sense of humor is a higher-rated quality in my informal poll. Funny thing about perfect facial features: After a while, when the relationship has progressed a bit and he's almost inured to her looks, the inner qualities do (or don't) shine through. And let's not forget that she's responding to his exterior same-same, and the drawing power of appearance is limited and has a short shelf life. But hey, we're overlooking the face-saving fact (small pun intended) that tastes vary, in foods as in people. And over the course of a lifetime, even those tastes can change. Actually, respect and admiration for someone can give that person's ratings quite a boost. For example, someone can go from mediocre to respected after you observe how the person treats the waiter. Chiseled nose? Piercing baby blues? Lopsided grin? Who cares when the heart is kind?! The appearance-addicted have much to learn. As for the wallet-obsessed, well, they deserve what they get.

Have a question for Susan? Send it to her in care of this newspaper or online at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2012 CREATORS.COM