Dear Margo: I have been dating this guy for a year now, living with him for nine months, and there have been discussions about marriage. I see a grand future for us, as he has a stable job, my parents and friends love him, and he is supportive of whatever I want to do for my own future. The problem is that one day, while discussing our future, he mentioned that he had a mental list of the things he wants to see in me before popping the question. He asked me if I wanted to know what was on the list, but I said, "No, thank you." My reasoning was that in my haste to get a ring I might subconsciously do or become all the things he wants, temporarily. I am who I am. My guess would be that the things on the list aren't major personality changes — more akin to picking up a little more around the apartment. But now I find myself constantly thinking about the stupid list. I just wish he would never have mentioned it. How do I forget about this and get on with my wonderful life with him? — Curious Cat

Dear Cur: "Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back." I find it kind of strange, and not all that flattering, that Henry Higgins would have "a list." He has put himself in the position of being, well, the decider, and I fail to see the romance in that. I think you should ask what's on "the list," but frame it as a discussion, saying you'd like to find out what's important to him. (Most couples find ways of revealing these things without there being a list.) One saving grace is that your guy at least offered to share this information with you, and I would not worry about play-acting as the girl of his dreams. As you said, you are who you are. — Margo, straightforwardly

When the Neighbors Hear It All

Dear Margo: I've read numerous advice columns over the years dealing with people overhearing neighbors who are noisy lovers. Well, I'm one of those noisy lovers and I don't know what to do. I live in a duplex with what I thought were relatively thick walls, but apparently they're not as thick as I thought! (Got a nice note from my neighbor, but I was still mortified.) I have a boyfriend with whom I have a phenomenal sex life, and unfortunately, we both are quite vocal during our lovemaking. I really don't know what to do about keeping the noise level down. Moving is not an option. Suggestions? — Princess

Dear Prin: Soundproof tiles on the common walls? Short of wearing muzzles, that's about all I can think of — and I'm not even sure there is such a thing for humans. Just thinking about this problem and mentioning muzzles, however, makes it a certainty that the next time I see a muzzled dog I will laugh. Good luck. — Margo, remedially

***

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.