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Truth or Consequences?

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Q. About six months ago our granddaughter, who is 19, met a man at a dance party in a nearby adjacent city. They hit it off and are now dating about three times a week. We do not know much about him. We have had the opportunity to talk with him, but our gut feeling is that he is not truthful. We may be misjudging him based on suspension and not facts. Our son and daughter-in-law like him, and we have not discussed our concerns with them. We do not know if we should get involved or keep quiet about our negative feelings. We fear bringing up our issues might prove unfounded, and our family relationship could become uncomfortable. How should we handle it?

A. Choose becoming involved now. Tell your son and daughter-in-law about your concern regarding his honesty. Should they prove to be unfounded later, you have done your job! Attempt to slow down their relationship. Get to know her boyfriend better and find out if he is a possible marriage candidate. Invite everyone to dinner several times. If her parents and you are in agreement, determine his intentions. A quiet check-up about his background may be in order. Do you or any of your friends know anything about his family and background? Would a drive past his parent's home in the nearby town be a good suggestion? Often telltale signs can reveal dishonesty. Does he appear to be anxious and uncomfortable around you? Does he smile? Some experts believe it is difficult to fake a smile. Remember, at their ages, most of us were nervous and uncomfortable about courting when our parents were around.

Be cautious, and by getting to get to know him better, you may change your opinion. Patience, time and slowing down their passion are high priorities now. Match makers once felt that dissimilar partners made for a better match, but they now shifted into believing that the more man and wife have in common, the more likely their marriage will become more successful. He may be THE ONE!

ACCEPT OUR DIFFERENCES!

Q. My husband and I have twin sons who are graduating from college next year. We agree one is much more mature than the other. We always believed they would mature at the same rate. This is not happening in our family. What determines the rate?

A. Twins can become different people. Dictionaries define maturity differently. Some define it as perseverance, acceptance, accountability, passion or many other definitions. The fact is that as parents you have exposed both to similar situations and each is taking his time to mature at his own rate. Hopefully, in maturity, they will choose similar paths, have learned the difference between right and wrong, and their goals are to love, care and be grateful. You have done your job and exposed them to options. As they become older, twins differ more. Their uniqueness will always play an important role in who they become. You made this happen!

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California Retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. Betty is a friend of Doug Mayberry, whom she helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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