Dear John, I have a chronic illness without a known cure. Because of my illness, I also am unable to have children. Should I mention this on a first date or will it scare guys off? I don't want them to think I was about to drag them to the altar when they just thought dinner and a movie would be a nice way to spend the evening. How do I handle it? —Kicking the Can Down the Road, in Seattle, Wash.

Dear Down the Road, The issue that you are facing clearly, and with just cause, weighs heavily on your heart and mind. That said, I hope you can pull back a little and look at this from a wider perspective.

Many people make the mistake of treating the dating process as an exercise in finding a mate. Of course, this is one goal of dating. But, in fact, it is also the way in which we go about meeting others or discovering our own compatibility likes and dislikes. Dating doesn't always lead to marriage; marriage doesn't always lead to children.

No first date, nor perhaps 10th date, should have to focus on the issue of having children. To move attraction to engagement takes a substantial period of time, six to nine months or more. The time to bring up your concern is when you've both begun to consider whether or not you wish to make a deeper commitment.

Take your time to make new friendships, and the relationship you want will find you.

Dear John, My stepdaughter just had her heart broken. Her boyfriend of several years suddenly ended the relationship. I don't know what to say to comfort her. —Worried for Her in Reno, Nev.

Dear Worried for Her, As loving parents, our natural instincts are to solve our children's problems and somehow make things better. Now is the time for you to empathize with the pain she feels, but you must do so without trying to fix the hurt or minimize it by suggesting that there will soon be a better guy who will come along.

When she has had the time to grieve the loss of this relationship, there will come a time and a place for you to say: "He just wasn't the man for you." In the meantime, give her that time and space she needs to mourn before expecting her to move on.

2013 John Gray's Mars Venus Advice. Distributed by Creators Syndicate. John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by email at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.